DAY 40: Last Call...Loneliness

The room grew still as the pitter patter of applause cut through the dark silence. The pastor had just said my name and all eyes turned to find me on the front row of the 1,200-seat sanctuary. It was the early morning service which boasted a smaller/more intimate crowd than the other two that would follow throughout the day, but I knew that this moment was simply a precursor to the exact same ritual that would come during the announcement period at each of the subsequent services. So I followed through with the obligatory stand, wave and smile as he shared the wonderful news of my first book signing in between services in the lobby and encouraged the congregation’s support of my work. It was truly a unique and memorable way for me to spend Valentine’s Day.

As the applause died down and the focus went on to the next announcement, I took my seat and felt a profound emptiness overtake me. Hundreds of people surrounded me and yet I suddenly could feel nothing but sadness as I realized that I was celebrating this great accomplishment alone. I had friends coming throughout the day to assist with my book sales and church family who were excited and supportive, but that was not the point. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but the feeling lingered as I tried to just be happy about the day and the moment but struggled instead with feelings of extreme loneliness. Here I was, surrounded by people, and I had never felt so alone. Overwhelmed, I excused myself to the lady’s room thinking “Congratulations to me…” and cried. 

The idea of being alone in a crowd began to follow me the next couple of years.

And so goes the start to the book on LONELINESS that I've been writing for a couple of years now. Every time that I get started, I stop short of moving completely forward. Like most of the sermons I preach and words that I've written in the past, the words on the page come from the heart of my experiences and that is not always a comfortable place to share from. It's not easy to broadcast that life is not always what we would hope it to be.

But that's how we overcome and keep moving, right? The last 39 days have been all about walking through some of the negative emotions that have tripped me up, and it definitely hasn't been easy. The enemy would take the difficulty of testifying and use it to make us feel isolated--unseen, unheard, and un-cared for. However, in the end, I know that the more we share our testimonies of faith, the more we overcome. The more that we live transparently, the more we can hope that God receives the glory. This season of Lent has been a season of purging and processing--preparing me for the work of the Lord more and more. Tonight, I was reminded of Hebrews 12:1 that says that we are 'surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses' so we should 'throw off everything that hinders us and so easily entangles us and run our race with perseverance'. We are not alone in the spirit, we are surrounded.

I recognize that that lonely feeling is not about who is around you. It's not about your level of accomplishment. It's not about being single or married. It's about feeling full or empty, feeling valued or lost. You need to know (and remind yourself) that, though your heart feel the emptiness of loneliness at times, you are not alone. Remember that you are surrounded by a "great cloud" and that, even though you may be feeling alone in a crowd, you are not. You're not the only one who is contrary, doubting, angry, apathetic and more with a splash of joy thrown in for good measure. WE are in this together. But, even greater than that, God's got your back. When no earthly "company" feels like enough, he's there guiding, pushing and carrying you through your race. In all, I hope that it is that fact that will somehow resonate with you and help you keep running just one more step.

Though you may feel it at times...you may feel the hollowness of isolation, know that God has a "cloud of witnesses" standing with you at all times as you shake off all that may hinder you so you can continue with perseverance.

Be encouraged,
Pastor Andrea

DAY 39: Weeding Out Fear

I have a confession to make. I've been trying to flow in love in my life, almost not realizing that it is fear that has been pulling me back. I've been able to work through various negative thoughts and emotions. I'd say that my inability to flow completely in love is because I doubted the other people's intentions or I was sad about circumstances or because I was frustrated about my hangups and so on. What I've realized is that the enemy has me distracted by the surface negativity that needs help. However, identifying doubt, sadness, frustration, etc. is like pulling out a weed but leaving in the root. You may rid it for a moment, but eventually it comes back. So, after wading through each emotion, I've come right back down to the same emotional root...FEAR.

I used to say that I believe that there are really only two emotions at the root of everything we experience in our lives. I have postulated that once you weed through the layers of emotional experiences that we have two sides to our heart--good or bad...sad or happy. If someone tells you they are frustrated, to me it would seem that frustration is a complicated version of being sad. Once you peel back the layers of each emotion, it comes down to the core of sad or happiness. However, I have to eat my words or revise that hypothesis. At the heart of every emotion is still one of two base emotions: 1) LOVE and 2) FEAR.

I believe that the full spectrum of our emotions (over 1,000 identified in varied psychological resources) are complications and spin-offs of those 2 base ones. On one side we see the fruit of love being happiness and peace and contentedness and joy and so on. However, on the flip side, we get angry because we are afraid, we get frustrated because we are afraid, we get sad because we are afraid, we get anxious because we are afraid, we doubt because of fears, we grieve out of spaces of fear, we...well you get the picture. And I'm sure that anyone could argue the validity of my theory. This is not scientifically proven (though maybe one day I'll write a thesis on the matter). For now, it's based on years of watching people, praying with people, celebrating with people, and crying with people. I've both watched and experienced what it means to be burdened with fear or filled with love.

"Why does any of this matter?", you may ask. Because, at the end of the day, God wants us to have lives that blossom with the fruit of love. He doesn't want that love in our lives to be suffocated by the weed that is fear. As I sat down to down to have some time in the word tonight, it all kept pointing back to one verse, 1 John 4:18: "There is no fear in love. Instead, perfect love drives away fear. That’s because fear has to do with being punished. The one who fears does not have perfect love." Our access to that perfect love through Christ makes the world of difference if we let it. Truly, we have a choice each and every day whether to accept the torment and punishment of fear or to put those fears at the mercy of perfect love. We have the choice to stop pulling out weeds and get to the root of your fears. Love is waiting to bloom.

Be encouraged,
Pastor Andrea

Day 38: Yep...A Plank In My Eye

I've decided that one of the most pitiful, "something's not right here" sights I've seen in a long while (next to a pretty, well-dressed, grown woman cursing like a sailor) was a grown Christian person pouting the other day because they didn't get their way. They wanted something that a child wanted as well, and the other adults in the room all agreed that the child should have it. So when the child got it, I swear I saw the bottom lip of this grown person begin to tremble. And it wouldn't have been so bad except that today, I caught myself having a conversation with God and making the very same face as I pouted over an unfulfilled prayer request...Ouch...Busted!

Talk about getting convicted! I was so quick to see this person's pout as inappropriate and "not right", but in my own moment of childish splendor I forgot all about my stance with a quickness. How quickly we forget... In my self-righteousness I thought that I had moved past acting like a child. Yet, what I've seen to be true over and over again is that I'm no better than anyone else. And God surely reminds me of this gently every now and again for sure.

I'm a good person for the most part, but not above being duped by self-righteousness and judgement. Truly these character flaws are so slippery. Like many things in my Christian faith, I have come to realize that I've got it down pat when it comes to the big things. I try not to judge people's life decisions, styles, or even their basic decision to become or not become a Christian. All of those are the big things--for which I find myself unfailingly tolerant and patient. But an air of self-righteousness sneaks in when I least expect it and see the small things that I may have "conquered" (or think I have) playing out in those around me. It's that moment when you look at your ex's current love interest (even though you don't want him/her any more) and think that they could've done better with you; or the time you watch another parent fail to get their child to behave in the supermarket line while yours is the picture of obedience (that day/moment). It's the time that we make (what we think are harmless) jokes about people's vocabulary choices; or when you watch the person who got a raise at work make a silly error that you feel you never would have made.

I try my best to not experience these moments. However, just when I think I have it together, God shows me a new example and quickly puts me in my place. It's just like the scripture says, "Those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted." (Luke 18:14) Or even like what I've heard preachers say...that if you point your finger at someone, you must be careful because there are three more pointing back at you. We are admonished to deal with our own stuff before worrying about someone else's problems (Matthew 7:3); and today I'm just reminded that that means you have to diligently and daily be looking at yourself so as not to slip idly into that place of judgement.

That said, today's your chance to do a self-check. What have you been watching, thinking, doing that (even in small ways) exalts you over another person? Where have you allowed hints of self-righteousness to show themselves in your life? Today I want to encourage you that those hints don't have to remain. As we walk this Christian journey, we have a new chance each day to commit our negative minds to God, repent and allow the power of the Holy Spirit to convict us each of sin, righteousness, and judgement (John 16:8). So today...take the chance...

Be encouraged,
Pastor Andrea

DAY 37: Full Control

Have you ever been in a situation where you were anticipating a difficult conversation with someone; but before the conversation ever happened, you had already orchestrated it all? It's like you held the remote control of your life up--fast forwarding, pausing, skipping through various parts until you had decided what they were going to say, how they were going to say it, what your response was going to be and what would result from the conversation. As a result of the conversation you had in your mind on behalf of all parties, you either a) decided that it made it unnecessary to have the real conversation or b) went into the real conversation with assumptions and walls that were virtually insurmountable. In your effort to feel in control, you actually walked away feeling tired and extremely misunderstood?

That controlling spirit often takes us to a lonely and exhausted place that is simply no fun. I know that you've spent many an hour thinking and rethinking and OVERthinking the options of your life and found yourself feeling more and more isolated. It's easy to do. It's easy to get lost in the web of your own thoughts, and it's easy to keep people out with that very same web. It's hard to trust because it opens us up to the uncertainty of heartache. But you have to remember that when you open up, you are not just trusting other people with your heart, but you are demonstrating a trust in God that he will be your refuge (Psalm 91:2) and that he will protect you when you feel at a loss to protect yourself.

The Bible tells us in Proverbs 3:5 that we are to trust in the Lord with all of our hearts and lean not to our understanding'. I appreciate how it says "all" and not "some" or "part". We are to trust the Lord even with the part of our hearts that wants to feel known and understood in an authentic way. We are to trust the Lord with the part of our hearts that wants to feel connected. We are to trust the Lord with the part of our hearts that yearns to be in control. And when we trust him with all, when we release control, we allow God to create greater connections for us than we could have ever designed on our own. When we turn every thought and every heart's desire over to God, he said we could trust him to direct our paths. You may want to figure it out and know the next step, but God is challenging you today to let him take full control. Trust him...he's faithful to deliver "exceedingly, abundantly, above what you can ask or think" (Ephesians 3:20).

Be encouraged,
Pastor Andrea

DAY 36: It's A Shame

We all have those things that we hide and don't talk about openly--things that we aren't proud of in our lives and that have varying degrees of impact on how we live day to day. At times, we choose to allow those things and the shame we feel to disconnect us from the rest of the world. That's the point where shame becomes a tricky thing.

You see, shame is not a mystery to God even when it's a mystery to us. In fact, the Bible talks about how it's God that "shames" the wise (1 Corinthians 1:27) or those who are "treacherous" (Psalm 25:3) and there are countless places throughout the Old Testament where shame is attributed to those who do evil things or are living contrary to God's will. A little shame or guilt leads to conviction and useful to the Lord. Conversely, a lot of shame causes condemnation--something God doesn't desire for those who serve him (Romans 8:1).

Just like so many things, the enemy perverts those 'healthy doses' of shame to make us lose focus on what and Who is truly important. The enemy's goal is to use condemning shame as an isolating emotion that moves us further away from God; whereas conviction and guilt are tools to turn us towards the Lord. Shame causes us to hide. It causes us to doubt all the good that God has made us to be. Condemning shame causes us to forget that God called his Creation (yes, that includes us) "good" or the fact that we are "fearfully and wonderfully made" (Psalm 139:13) even in our messiness.

When we get caught up in shame then we become egocentric and forget that this life is truly not all about us. It tends to feel like we have this all-powerful God wagging his lofty finger at us, making us cower into ourselves. However, that is not God's plan. He has a plan to 'prosper us and to give us a hope and a future' (Jeremiah 29:11). That is the devil's plan. Satan wants to convince you and I that God couldn't care about us in all of our mess. While that may be how man would treat us, it's not how God treats us. Time and time again he assures us that he will never leave or forsake us, that we are forgiven and that he is a God who grants us immeasurable amounts of grace and mercy. So no matter what addiction you are harboring or bad behavior you can't seem to stop, when you keep making an effort to break through those messy points and not get stuck in the muck and mire of your shame, God will honor that. The enemy wants us stuck. However, God's desire is for us to get the victory over those areas of our lives. The enemy desires for us to keep those secret things hidden and in the dark. God desires for exposure and light to remove the stronghold that these things have on our lives.

So what comes to mind when you are reading these words? What part of your life have you been ashamed of or hiding? What habit or relationship or tendency have you cloaked in darkness? Today is a great new opportunity to bring it to light. While everyone doesn't need to know your dirt, there's value to finding even one trustworthy person who can help you stand in prayer and move out of darkness and into light. Today's the perfect chance to make that change and remove the stress of humiliation and distress caused by our behaviors.

Be encouraged,
Pastor Andrea

DAY 35: Let's Talk About Sex, Baby

If you are anywhere close to my age, then I know that your head is bobbin' now thinkin' of that song by Salt 'N Peppa back in the day. (And even if you're not then you may know the song.) I remember when it came out and it was so scandalous. There was such debate in mainstream media about the song. Now, discussions of sex happen without even blinking an eye...except, that is, when it comes to the average Christian single (of which I am one). Have you noticed? If you Google Christian and sex you get a plethora of links talking about sex in marriage or the civil rights issues associated with same-sex relationships. But don't be a single person who loves Jesus and utter the word "orgasm", because if you do then you are likely to be condemned to hell by those who overhear. It's like people have stopped talking in a real way about a real thing that most Christian singles deal with...or rather...struggle with in silence but really should be talking about it in healthy, honoring ways. It's the age-old negative emotion/behavior...L-U-S-T.

Everywhere we turn, there are messages about sex. No matter what continent you are on, society is inundated with sexual innuendo and outright sexual messages. Even the sidebars of Internet pages are filled with unsolicited "girls, girls, girls". So, it's not like you can say, "I'll just go crawl in a hole and pray until God sends me my mate." We are human which means that sex is not a bad word. I like to feel sexy and sassy even though I'm fully SAVED and sanctified. God made us to be passionate and sexual...but with the caveat that that plays out at its fullest under the blessing of marriage. So until then, let's keep it real...I'm not immune to a nice smellin' man with a pretty smile (come on ladies...don't act like I'm not the only one). At church, we see and hear message after message that just says "don't do it" or "avoid lust". We hear the "shalt nots" of Levitical law, but no one really talks about what that looks like day in and day out when you have a desire to live holy but are in the battle of all battles against your own flesh. 

When I came to know the Lord in my 20's, I remember thinking that I had already surpassed the ages of the many chaste examples of 13 year old brides who were "betrothed" right out of their father's houses in the Bible. Put simply, it's difficult to know that you're supposed to wait to have sex until you are married when you're not sure that that will come any time soon. And almost 20 years later, that hasn't gotten any easier. As the years went by, I began to fear that God was trying to send me a message that he'd really been calling me to be a nun and I just couldn't get that message straight. But since I know that's not true, it means that I have to negotiate that space and time between now and my wedding night with HONOR, INTENTION and ACCOUNTABILITY. 

At the end of the day, our victory over any of the negative emotions that we've been talking about the last few weeks centers around those three factors. Honor...it means recognizing that you truly do have a desire to apply spiritual principles of sex to your life. You want to honor the Lord and your relationship with him by staying true to his call to "be holy for he is holy" (Leviticus 11:44). So that's the spiritual end of things. But then there's the practical side of intention and follow-through. You have to intentionally set yourself up for success and not failure. If your mind is liable to drift into "vain imaginations" like mine can at times, then perhaps it's not wise to read overtly sexy novels or watch sex-filled shows every day--remembering that the seeds that those things plant are seeds of distraction from that very honor you want to maintain. Maintaining that honor means having follow-through and setting up accountability with people you know will hold you to your goals to honor God. It means doing a lot of things in groups and letting someone know when you're alone. It means not spending every waking moment together in hot embraces that become harder and harder to separate yourself from. It means being honest with someone other than the person you are struggling with that you are in a struggle. 

Now, I know we could talk about this for longer than a paragraph, but I'm sure you've heard it all. But maybe today you needed to hear that God's got your back even as it pertains to this hush-hush issue of lust. When he said he'd never leave or forsake you, that didn't exclude times when your mind wanders or your actions don't line up with his will. Don't get me wrong, he wants us to be right. He wants us to live holy. He wants us to be obedient. But he also wants us to know that he'll help us through when we least expect it. The Bible says he'll "provide a way of escape" (1 Corinthians 10:13)...that means the telephone ringing when you're about to get down and dirty (yeah I said it) or the cat tipping over a glass in the other room or your eye suddenly catching sight of the Bible on the top shelf are just small cues to remind you to stop and choose honor over lust and run (do not walk) in the opposite direction. 

Today I just wanted to take a moment out and encourage my single brothers and sisters in Christ in what has turned into a sometimes silent struggle. Take courage and talk about what's really going on in your lives--sex included--so that the enemy doesn't have a foothold to get you into bondage. Falls and "slip ups" happen when you live constantly in secret. Choose today to be real with some, trustworthy, equally-focused Christian who can keep you moving in the right direction...towards Christ.

Stay strong and be encouraged,

Pastor Andrea

DAY 34: Fight Fire With Fire

Have you ever felt like things are falling down all around you and like your efforts to help seem to have little affect? Perhaps you feel like you've been in a season where life is simply one fire after the next and you're exhausted in trying to put them out at every turn. The fatigue has brought on plain old discouragement and made you want to turn in the towel. It's those times when you look up and wonder "why bother?" The fires of your life have been ignited and you don't know where to begin. You wonder if it's worth it to even put the effort in. It gets easy to allow discouragement to take over and be the winner of those internal arguments you have with yourself--stealing away all of your confidence and enthusiasm for the fight. However, it's time for a new winner to step up to the plate--PERSEVERANCE.

Discouragement tell us to sit back and watch life go by. Perseverance says sitting idle is no longer an option. Discouragement says we don't care (or at least are pretending to). Perseverance says we care enough to put our best foot forward. Discouragement says sit this one out. Perseverance says get in the game. It's a battle of our will and our flesh at times versus what we know to be good and what we know to be the best. Discouragement tends to be the easy way out that challenges us slightly and pays off little while perseverance has the better payoff for the higher challenge. The very definition of perseverance says it all:  persistence in doing something despite difficulty or delay in achieving success and withstanding discouragement.

It's not easy to set aside what is easy for what may be hard and not provide instant gratification. It's not comfortable to actually fight hard for what you believe in and what you want out of life. But it is the essence of our faith when we are willing to trust in what may be delayed. It is the essence of sacrifice when we do something despite difficulty. And today, God is reminding us that, in lieu of great discouragement, there is great JOY in choosing to actively participate in life and trials and tribulations and weather the delays and difficulties. At our moments of greatest discouragement, we have to choose to fight fire with the fire of the Word of God that reminds us to "Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!" (Psalm 27:14) Allow the slow burn of verses like James 1 bring us courage when they tell us that testing and trials are exactly what produce perseverance and that it's perseverance that does the work in us to make sure that we are "lacking nothing". You may feel as though you've given all that you can and that you have not more strength to continue on. It can feel as though life has taken so much away and that the tests and the trials have been too costly. But be encouraged that what they have taken does not compare to what God will restore. He is promising to complete his work in you. He is assuring us of his commitment to this very thing. I don't know about you, but when it's all said and done in this life, I want to leave lacking nothing.

Where have you been the most discouraged in your heart and in your spirit? What are you hesitating to do? What are you feeling God say that you have been cautious about getting in the fight? Where have you allowed fear and mistrust to zap you of your energy to fight? Today can be the day that you regain that energy to persevere and fight. It's a simple decision to "count it all joy" and let those trials and testings finish their good work in you. Though it may not be comfortable and may not feel good, today is the day that you can jump in with both feet so as not to miss a thing. It is my prayer that discouragement has no place in the decisions you make for your life and that perseverance does it's great work in your life so that you too will end lacking nothing.

Be encouraged,
Pastor Andrea

DAY 33: He's Got You

There's no other feeling like the one that God has forgotten you. I'm not sure what the emotion word would be to express the feeling of being lost or perhaps neglected. The one word that seems to make the most sense is FORSAKEN. I just felt the need to write today a brief reminder that you have not been forsaken. I realize that it's easy for me to say and harder to believe. However, there really are some things that you need to take at face value. This promise is one of them. There are a few things that God says over and over and over again throughout the Bible. For instance, there are so many references to "do not fear" or to "be courageous". Similarly, there are many notations throughout God's Word that says that he will never leave you or forsake you. Earlier, I was reminded of two of my favorite scriptures that constantly keep that before me: Isaiah 42:16 and 49:16. The point of them both? God has not forgotten you. Just like people write things on their hands in an effort to remember them, God has permanently engraved your name on the palm of his hand so that you know that you are always at the top of his thoughts.

It's easy to feel like you are on the road to nowhere all by yourself. You can't see what's coming next, but just remember that that is the essence of faith--trusting in what you can't see and what you can't figure out. It's possible that you're in one of those situations where you can't lean on your own understanding (Prov 3:5-6) and have to fully trust in the Lord. Maybe you've stepped out on the proverbial water like Peter and you are searching for Christ to be out there with you. Or maybe you're trying to find the courage to try something completely different or new. While your hesitation in moving forward may be normal, it is not necessary. God is ready to walk with you, behind you, in front of you and carry you as the situation may require.

As you feel troubles and distress coming at you on every side, today, be reminded that God has you in the palm of His hand. He has not forgotten you. And, though you can't see the path clearly, just know that God is leading the way.

Be encouraged,
Pastor Andrea

DAY 30-32: One for the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost?

I've been thinking a lot about a phrase that I've read in the bible a lot and wondered what it would take to get to. It's been a prayer of mine since I came to know the Lord that I would never understand fully what it means to have a hardened heart. And over the last few days the thought has truly been pressing on my mind. In fact, the last 72 hours have truly been a bit of a whirlwind. I've struggled with the devotional--not for lack of trying. Each day, I've spent the time in personal devotion around having a hardened heart, and each day I've felt like I've had a topic that wasn't quite finished.

It didn't make much sense to me until I finally realized that it wasn't really just one negative emotion or behavior but that there were really three in one that are so closely united that they are best discussed together--self-righteousness, conceit, and hardened heart. As I read the scriptures around having a hard heart, I grew sadder and sadder. I think that I've come to understand some of my sadness after some events of the last few days. As a pastor/counselor, over the years I've had the opportunity to walk with people through some of the highest of their highs and the lowest of their lows. And as you watch people make their own personal journeys from the outside looking in, it is only natural to do some self-checking on your own "right-ness".

It's like watching a child go to touch a hot stove burner. You tell them, "Don't touch. It's hot." Most of us as children were just hard-headed enough to try it anyway. And we'd have to have touched the heated metal before we had a concept of what "hot" meant. Usually, that would be enough to ward us off. But then there's the child who, after they got that understanding would tempt fate and try to see just how close they could place their hand over and over again without reaching that final sting--getting close enough to feel the increased heat but not so close that they are truly burned. Then you have those few for whom the sting of burning flesh may not have been enough. Those are the few (perhaps somewhat psychotic) who would touch the eyelet and see how long they could stand the burn. Even the smell of burning flesh could not be enough to register in their brain that they had crossed a line.

It seems crazy, right? And yet this is the image God has given me of myself and of other Christians. As I think of all of the things that I've struggled with through the years--all of the ways that I've sinned and compromised righteousness and push the limits on how far I'd go to stay just within the boundaries of "the law"--I'm amazed at God's continued mercy and grace. I often read through the Old Testament and shake my head at the children of Israel. I can see them from the outside looking in and say "How can you be so stupid and so disobedient to a gracious God? How could you spend 40 years in the desert making an 8-11 day trip? Why couldn't you just get it right?!" It's just like with the child touching the burner. You think, "Why can't you just listen when I say 'don't touch' instead of having to push the envelope?" I can point the finger at them and see the "splinters in their eyes", however that has usually backfired on me as God points out the planks in mine (Mathew 7:3-5).

It's that place of judgement and self-righteousness that I began to see is tied to a hardened heart. Often we get into a space where our confidence is misplaced. We become confident to the point of conceit and think that we can't be broken or that nothing can get beyond us. We tell ourselves so many self-elevating lies: We're on top of everything. We are superheros in our own minds. The thing that trips up another person will not trip us up. The same rules that apply to others, the same cautions from the Lord, don't apply to us. God's commands are merely guidelines that we can use. And it's so easy to do that most of us do it daily. We push the boundaries and subconsciously (and consciously) try to figure out just how far we can go before we have truly broken the rules. We get as close to the edge of our spiritual obedience cliffs as possible without falling over.

And just as we watch children burning their fingers or read of the children of Israel in disbelief, I believe that God watches us with an equally grieved heart. God's desire is for the best for us. Like any parent, He'd love for us to understand and get things merely on his "say so". But like any parent he also understands that there are some things we just have to experience. And so we go through the ringer and we experience testing and trials that are, in some cases, of our own making as we push the boundaries. Sometimes God has to use that "tough love" methodology and not rescue us but allow the consequences of our behavior to humble us and remind us that there is none righteous except God.

Today, I want to encourage you to do a self check and ask yourself where you are pushing the boundaries. Where have you been delayed in your obedience (thus creating disobedience)? Where have you held confidence in yourself and not kept your confidence in Christ. Where have you allowed your confidence and self-righteousness to distance you from sage advice turning your hard head to a hardened heart? "Today if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts as in the rebellion." (Hebrews 3:15) Listen close to the heeding of the Lord and walk boldly in the confidence we have in him to accomplish all that he has for you. And I pray that the places that your heart has begun to harden will get chipped away by his voice, his guiding, his love and his grace.

Be encouraged,
Pastor Andrea

DAY 29: Ending the Search for Significance

Over the last few years, I've watched both afar and up close as people have searched for SIGNIFICANCE. It's so very easy to get to the place where you feel as though your life or you specifically are the essence of being "too small or unimportant to be worth consideration; meaningless". Perhaps you feel as though your contribution on your job is meaningless. Or maybe you constantly feel like the people around you see you as unimportant. But I was reading in Colossians today and was really encouraged by a single phrase. Now, I have to warn you up front that I am completely taking this out of context here, but I could not resist. Chapter 2, verse 18 begins by saying, "Let no one disqualify you..." Another translation says, "Let no man rob you of your prize..."

I thought about it for a while and realized so many of us disqualify ourselves before anyone else even has a chance. While we anticipate being rendered as insignificant in someone else's eyes, we must first ask ourselves if we are significant in our own. Just like beauty, significance is in the eye of the beholder. Though there are times functionally that you may have less work-related significance; no profession or social interaction can ever have the power to define who you are. I Peter 2:9 reminds us that in the Kingdom economy of significance, we are a part of a "chosen generation" and "royal". As children of the King of Kings, we are to find our significance in that and not in the day-to-day workings of our lives.

True, that is easier said than done. When someone is facing you with a look of disdain or when you don't feel heard or trusted or valued, it is difficult to remember that your search for significance should lead you to the cross. Your search for significance should remind you that God even made something as small as a mustard seed be a symbol for faith. If a mustard seed has relevance and significance in this life, then how much more do we? When we measure our value and our worth, are we seeing the people whose lives are affected because we prayed for them or because we smiled at them when they thought no one cared? Are we thinking of the times when God has used a person or His Word to speak directly to us in answer to prayer--making us significant enough to warrant a response? Are we considering times when we have prayed or spent time with the Lord and simply felt the amazing warmth of the Spirit of the Lord comfort of his presence make us feel special and cared for?

Maybe that's the problem. Perhaps you've never had an encounter with God that gave you that comfort or that gave you that reminder. Today, my prayer is that each of you reading these Prayer Points will have such an encounter with God. I pray that your significance will be wrapped up in His presence and delivered with a bow. I pray that in the coming days, you will experience God in new, reviving ways that end your search for significance in the right spot--Him.

Be encouraged,
Pastor Andrea

DAY 28: You WILL Find Rest

There's an American couple who have been walking through an adoption process with a young boy in Uganda. They are woodworkers in California who have sold much of what they can and put somewhat of a pause on their lives to go to Uganda to finish out the process of getting their son healthy and adopted in person. It's a rather sweet story of God using their journey in the process to minister to couples near and far and to individuals around the world. They have an Instagram account and a blog (http://graceandsalt.net/) and all the other modern social media accouterments that help communicate to the world the ups and downs of what God is doing. If you're following one of those lines of communication as I am, you get to see some of the victories and some of the challenges. The past couple of days, their posts have reflected a consistent message, "we are tired." Their mission has taken its toll--emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Their transparency in those moments is real; and, as a fellow missionary, I feel their pain. As I read their post with my own droopy eyes earlier today, I could understand a part of what they were trying to communicate--being tired, fatigued...WEARY.

As a pastor and counselor, missionary and person, this is a thing that I have seen so very often over the years. There are times when I must walk alongside of others in the Lord where they feel as though they have hit their limit and are burning out. And sometimes it's not them but me who has gotten to a point where I feel like my reserves are negative empty. I have been at the point in my life where even vacations just do enough to fill me up to that empty line and there's more that must be dealt with. It's that point that you reach where sleep is not the issue. I remember reading a definition of symptoms given by the Mayo Clinic about chronic fatigue that said it's a "nearly constant state of weariness that develops over time and diminishes your energy and mental capacity...impacts your emotional and psychological well-being, too." I had looked it up when I was in one of those places of burnout and it helped me to put how I was feeling in physiological terms. 

And while some of fatigue is about the body and what we do to take care of ourselves (or not take care of ourselves), there is a large part that is about the routines and emotional/spiritual support (or lack thereof) that simply drain us and make matters worse. So you cannot look at fatigue and weariness in a vacuum of medical intervention and expect everything to be okay. In my own journey through weariness, I had to turn to my other Resource (a.k.a. the Bible) for solutions and understanding as well. In the process I found two of my life verses, Galatians 6:9 and Matthew 11:28-29. First we're told, "Let us not grow weary in doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we FAINT NOT." and then you have the words of Jesus compelling us to "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I WILL GIVE YOU REST. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls."

You see, God supports us on both sides. He wants you to be proactive and do things to keep focused on Him--persevering and pressing towards what He's called you to do--but with wisdom and understanding of how to take care of yourself so that you can continue on without fainting. He's an advocate for taking care of yourself. But then he also says that if you've reached the point where you feel you are fainting, he's got your back. He assured us that if we come to him during these points of weariness we will find rest for our souls...not may or could, but he's made a promise of what he wants to do for you. No matter what you are facin--be it adoption in Uganda or war in Syria or stress in Minnesota--God wants to help you find soulful rest and to bring forth the harvest for all that you've sown. When I read the "graceandsalt" post, my immediate thought was to encourage them (and you) that "due season" is on it's way.

Today, I want challenge you to proactively have a plan for personal care. Take care of yourself physically. Get sleep. Eat well. Take breaks. Talk to friends. But, at the end of the day, don't forget to take care of yourself spiritually. Don't forget to check in with the Lord. Don't foget to keep your eyes on Him as he is the ultimate smelling salt and can keep you from fainting. He wants to be a part of your personal treatment plan too. When you feel like you don't have time to pause, meditate, seek him...that's the time when you need to dig in the most. Never lose site of that because that is where you will find fulfillment to the promise for rest.

Be encouraged,
Pastor Andrea

DAY 27: Could You Have Done Better?

There are some people you encounter who make you feel as though there is nothing you could do right in their eyes. Some of you had parents or teachers like that. Some of you have bosses or mates like that. Some of you are like that. Every chance you get you point out the flaws in yourself or in others. It's become second nature. You may not even realize that you're doing it. In fact, it's easy to lose sight of how many times you pass a mirror and frown or how many times your focus has been drawn to what you could've done better instead of celebrating what you've done. It's enough to wear you down.

I was realizing recently that that CRITICAL SPIRIT takes a lot out of us. As I sat in a meeting the other day I realized I was being so critical; and those criticisms were not directed outward but instead were all about the conversation in my head. I managed to take everything that was being said as a personal indictment. I knew that I had fallen prey yet again to the tactics of the enemy to get me picking myself apart so he wouldn't have to. Every "we need to" from the other meeting participants translated through my critical filter sounded more like "you should have". At the end of the meeting, my heart was wounded all because of my own critique (and no one else's). I couldn't even blame it on the devil! I brought so much negativity my way that I made satan's work easy.

We struggle with those moments where we need to strike a delicate balance between finding points for improvement in our lives and being content with what God has done. I'm not suggesting that we can't set high standards for ourselves and others or be constructive in our feedback. However, we must always examine the motivation behind those standards and feedback. Do we feel like we have something to prove or are we genuinely seeking God's best for a given situation? When we point out the flaws in another, are we acting as 'iron sharpening iron' or are we nit-picking because they didn't do it the way we would have done it? Are we being hypocritical in wanting grace and mercy from others when we either don't give it to them and/or don't give it to ourselves? 

If you say more negative than positive about yourself and others, then what are you saying about God and His Creation? As the Author and Finisher of your life who does "all things well" (Isaiah 45:7) and who "fearfully" and "wonderfully" made you (Psalm 139:14), are you suggesting that He missed a step or failed? Can you presume to say better than He how you should have been made? Could you have done better? Certainly not. But every time that we utter negativity about ourselves/others, we presume just that and grieve the Lord. 

He holds us to high standards and expects us to live circumspectly before him, but he also gives us far more grace and mercy than we seem to be able to give ourselves. Though we know that criticism will come no matter what you do in life, what's important to remember is that we don't need to be the ones to deliver it...not even to ourselves. 

Today, I want to challenge you to do something you've probably not done in a while--look in the mirror and tell yourself three good things about yourself without any side notes about the opportunities for improvement...and/or, at the end of your day, write down three things that you accomplished without commentary about what still needs to be done or what could have been done better. Celebrate in this day. Rejoice in this day. Give God glory for THIS day and allow your soul to truly rest in the fact that you are a part of His marvelous works!

Blessings,

Pastor Andrea

DAY 26: The Way Out of Trapped

There is no greater prison than the one in your mind. I know prison is a harsh term, but it's easy to feel like there's no possibility of moving beyond what you think in your mind. If you believe that you are inadequate, then you live as though you are. If you see yourself as unworthy, then you live as though you are. And this is not simply idle chatter. Proverbs tell us that "as a man thinks so he is." There is such great power in our thoughts and our own expectations. We allow ourselves to be defined by whatever rules about life that we've placed in our minds--you must be X, Y, or Z to be able to succeed--and we maintain the idea that "I'll never quite get to it." Our minds have created this rabbit hole that we fall down early in life and struggle to get out of throughout the years. Put simply: You. Feel. Trapped. 

You keep waiting for someone to rescue you. You keep waiting for a way out. You keep waiting for someone to believe in you, your ideas, your vision...perhaps that someone should be you. While validation is good, it's not the center of how we become able to break past the limitations of our mind prisons. When Christ came, he gave us the ultimate gift of freedom. That freedom was from sin, from negativity, from all things that hold us back from becoming all that we are called to be. "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." (Galatians 5:1) While it may seem difficult, it is not complicated. Your success hinges on your deciding to see yourself differently. The way out of feeling trapped is in the decision to not be.

Today, I want to challenge you to give yourself the awesome/freeing gift of grace and belief. You've been believing your own negative press. You've been trying to move forward but not quite sure what has held you back. Today I challenge you to see yourself as the captor and allow yourself to set your free. For in Christ there truly is LIBERTY...walk in that today.

Be encouraged,
Pastor Andrea