DAY 40: Last Call...Loneliness

The room grew still as the pitter patter of applause cut through the dark silence. The pastor had just said my name and all eyes turned to find me on the front row of the 1,200-seat sanctuary. It was the early morning service which boasted a smaller/more intimate crowd than the other two that would follow throughout the day, but I knew that this moment was simply a precursor to the exact same ritual that would come during the announcement period at each of the subsequent services. So I followed through with the obligatory stand, wave and smile as he shared the wonderful news of my first book signing in between services in the lobby and encouraged the congregation’s support of my work. It was truly a unique and memorable way for me to spend Valentine’s Day.

As the applause died down and the focus went on to the next announcement, I took my seat and felt a profound emptiness overtake me. Hundreds of people surrounded me and yet I suddenly could feel nothing but sadness as I realized that I was celebrating this great accomplishment alone. I had friends coming throughout the day to assist with my book sales and church family who were excited and supportive, but that was not the point. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but the feeling lingered as I tried to just be happy about the day and the moment but struggled instead with feelings of extreme loneliness. Here I was, surrounded by people, and I had never felt so alone. Overwhelmed, I excused myself to the lady’s room thinking “Congratulations to me…” and cried. 

The idea of being alone in a crowd began to follow me the next couple of years.

And so goes the start to the book on LONELINESS that I've been writing for a couple of years now. Every time that I get started, I stop short of moving completely forward. Like most of the sermons I preach and words that I've written in the past, the words on the page come from the heart of my experiences and that is not always a comfortable place to share from. It's not easy to broadcast that life is not always what we would hope it to be.

But that's how we overcome and keep moving, right? The last 39 days have been all about walking through some of the negative emotions that have tripped me up, and it definitely hasn't been easy. The enemy would take the difficulty of testifying and use it to make us feel isolated--unseen, unheard, and un-cared for. However, in the end, I know that the more we share our testimonies of faith, the more we overcome. The more that we live transparently, the more we can hope that God receives the glory. This season of Lent has been a season of purging and processing--preparing me for the work of the Lord more and more. Tonight, I was reminded of Hebrews 12:1 that says that we are 'surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses' so we should 'throw off everything that hinders us and so easily entangles us and run our race with perseverance'. We are not alone in the spirit, we are surrounded.

I recognize that that lonely feeling is not about who is around you. It's not about your level of accomplishment. It's not about being single or married. It's about feeling full or empty, feeling valued or lost. You need to know (and remind yourself) that, though your heart feel the emptiness of loneliness at times, you are not alone. Remember that you are surrounded by a "great cloud" and that, even though you may be feeling alone in a crowd, you are not. You're not the only one who is contrary, doubting, angry, apathetic and more with a splash of joy thrown in for good measure. WE are in this together. But, even greater than that, God's got your back. When no earthly "company" feels like enough, he's there guiding, pushing and carrying you through your race. In all, I hope that it is that fact that will somehow resonate with you and help you keep running just one more step.

Though you may feel it at times...you may feel the hollowness of isolation, know that God has a "cloud of witnesses" standing with you at all times as you shake off all that may hinder you so you can continue with perseverance.

Be encouraged,
Pastor Andrea

DAY 37: Full Control

Have you ever been in a situation where you were anticipating a difficult conversation with someone; but before the conversation ever happened, you had already orchestrated it all? It's like you held the remote control of your life up--fast forwarding, pausing, skipping through various parts until you had decided what they were going to say, how they were going to say it, what your response was going to be and what would result from the conversation. As a result of the conversation you had in your mind on behalf of all parties, you either a) decided that it made it unnecessary to have the real conversation or b) went into the real conversation with assumptions and walls that were virtually insurmountable. In your effort to feel in control, you actually walked away feeling tired and extremely misunderstood?

That controlling spirit often takes us to a lonely and exhausted place that is simply no fun. I know that you've spent many an hour thinking and rethinking and OVERthinking the options of your life and found yourself feeling more and more isolated. It's easy to do. It's easy to get lost in the web of your own thoughts, and it's easy to keep people out with that very same web. It's hard to trust because it opens us up to the uncertainty of heartache. But you have to remember that when you open up, you are not just trusting other people with your heart, but you are demonstrating a trust in God that he will be your refuge (Psalm 91:2) and that he will protect you when you feel at a loss to protect yourself.

The Bible tells us in Proverbs 3:5 that we are to trust in the Lord with all of our hearts and lean not to our understanding'. I appreciate how it says "all" and not "some" or "part". We are to trust the Lord even with the part of our hearts that wants to feel known and understood in an authentic way. We are to trust the Lord with the part of our hearts that wants to feel connected. We are to trust the Lord with the part of our hearts that yearns to be in control. And when we trust him with all, when we release control, we allow God to create greater connections for us than we could have ever designed on our own. When we turn every thought and every heart's desire over to God, he said we could trust him to direct our paths. You may want to figure it out and know the next step, but God is challenging you today to let him take full control. Trust him...he's faithful to deliver "exceedingly, abundantly, above what you can ask or think" (Ephesians 3:20).

Be encouraged,
Pastor Andrea

DAY 36: It's A Shame

We all have those things that we hide and don't talk about openly--things that we aren't proud of in our lives and that have varying degrees of impact on how we live day to day. At times, we choose to allow those things and the shame we feel to disconnect us from the rest of the world. That's the point where shame becomes a tricky thing.

You see, shame is not a mystery to God even when it's a mystery to us. In fact, the Bible talks about how it's God that "shames" the wise (1 Corinthians 1:27) or those who are "treacherous" (Psalm 25:3) and there are countless places throughout the Old Testament where shame is attributed to those who do evil things or are living contrary to God's will. A little shame or guilt leads to conviction and useful to the Lord. Conversely, a lot of shame causes condemnation--something God doesn't desire for those who serve him (Romans 8:1).

Just like so many things, the enemy perverts those 'healthy doses' of shame to make us lose focus on what and Who is truly important. The enemy's goal is to use condemning shame as an isolating emotion that moves us further away from God; whereas conviction and guilt are tools to turn us towards the Lord. Shame causes us to hide. It causes us to doubt all the good that God has made us to be. Condemning shame causes us to forget that God called his Creation (yes, that includes us) "good" or the fact that we are "fearfully and wonderfully made" (Psalm 139:13) even in our messiness.

When we get caught up in shame then we become egocentric and forget that this life is truly not all about us. It tends to feel like we have this all-powerful God wagging his lofty finger at us, making us cower into ourselves. However, that is not God's plan. He has a plan to 'prosper us and to give us a hope and a future' (Jeremiah 29:11). That is the devil's plan. Satan wants to convince you and I that God couldn't care about us in all of our mess. While that may be how man would treat us, it's not how God treats us. Time and time again he assures us that he will never leave or forsake us, that we are forgiven and that he is a God who grants us immeasurable amounts of grace and mercy. So no matter what addiction you are harboring or bad behavior you can't seem to stop, when you keep making an effort to break through those messy points and not get stuck in the muck and mire of your shame, God will honor that. The enemy wants us stuck. However, God's desire is for us to get the victory over those areas of our lives. The enemy desires for us to keep those secret things hidden and in the dark. God desires for exposure and light to remove the stronghold that these things have on our lives.

So what comes to mind when you are reading these words? What part of your life have you been ashamed of or hiding? What habit or relationship or tendency have you cloaked in darkness? Today is a great new opportunity to bring it to light. While everyone doesn't need to know your dirt, there's value to finding even one trustworthy person who can help you stand in prayer and move out of darkness and into light. Today's the perfect chance to make that change and remove the stress of humiliation and distress caused by our behaviors.

Be encouraged,
Pastor Andrea

DAY 35: Let's Talk About Sex, Baby

If you are anywhere close to my age, then I know that your head is bobbin' now thinkin' of that song by Salt 'N Peppa back in the day. (And even if you're not then you may know the song.) I remember when it came out and it was so scandalous. There was such debate in mainstream media about the song. Now, discussions of sex happen without even blinking an eye...except, that is, when it comes to the average Christian single (of which I am one). Have you noticed? If you Google Christian and sex you get a plethora of links talking about sex in marriage or the civil rights issues associated with same-sex relationships. But don't be a single person who loves Jesus and utter the word "orgasm", because if you do then you are likely to be condemned to hell by those who overhear. It's like people have stopped talking in a real way about a real thing that most Christian singles deal with...or rather...struggle with in silence but really should be talking about it in healthy, honoring ways. It's the age-old negative emotion/behavior...L-U-S-T.

Everywhere we turn, there are messages about sex. No matter what continent you are on, society is inundated with sexual innuendo and outright sexual messages. Even the sidebars of Internet pages are filled with unsolicited "girls, girls, girls". So, it's not like you can say, "I'll just go crawl in a hole and pray until God sends me my mate." We are human which means that sex is not a bad word. I like to feel sexy and sassy even though I'm fully SAVED and sanctified. God made us to be passionate and sexual...but with the caveat that that plays out at its fullest under the blessing of marriage. So until then, let's keep it real...I'm not immune to a nice smellin' man with a pretty smile (come on ladies...don't act like I'm not the only one). At church, we see and hear message after message that just says "don't do it" or "avoid lust". We hear the "shalt nots" of Levitical law, but no one really talks about what that looks like day in and day out when you have a desire to live holy but are in the battle of all battles against your own flesh. 

When I came to know the Lord in my 20's, I remember thinking that I had already surpassed the ages of the many chaste examples of 13 year old brides who were "betrothed" right out of their father's houses in the Bible. Put simply, it's difficult to know that you're supposed to wait to have sex until you are married when you're not sure that that will come any time soon. And almost 20 years later, that hasn't gotten any easier. As the years went by, I began to fear that God was trying to send me a message that he'd really been calling me to be a nun and I just couldn't get that message straight. But since I know that's not true, it means that I have to negotiate that space and time between now and my wedding night with HONOR, INTENTION and ACCOUNTABILITY. 

At the end of the day, our victory over any of the negative emotions that we've been talking about the last few weeks centers around those three factors. Honor...it means recognizing that you truly do have a desire to apply spiritual principles of sex to your life. You want to honor the Lord and your relationship with him by staying true to his call to "be holy for he is holy" (Leviticus 11:44). So that's the spiritual end of things. But then there's the practical side of intention and follow-through. You have to intentionally set yourself up for success and not failure. If your mind is liable to drift into "vain imaginations" like mine can at times, then perhaps it's not wise to read overtly sexy novels or watch sex-filled shows every day--remembering that the seeds that those things plant are seeds of distraction from that very honor you want to maintain. Maintaining that honor means having follow-through and setting up accountability with people you know will hold you to your goals to honor God. It means doing a lot of things in groups and letting someone know when you're alone. It means not spending every waking moment together in hot embraces that become harder and harder to separate yourself from. It means being honest with someone other than the person you are struggling with that you are in a struggle. 

Now, I know we could talk about this for longer than a paragraph, but I'm sure you've heard it all. But maybe today you needed to hear that God's got your back even as it pertains to this hush-hush issue of lust. When he said he'd never leave or forsake you, that didn't exclude times when your mind wanders or your actions don't line up with his will. Don't get me wrong, he wants us to be right. He wants us to live holy. He wants us to be obedient. But he also wants us to know that he'll help us through when we least expect it. The Bible says he'll "provide a way of escape" (1 Corinthians 10:13)...that means the telephone ringing when you're about to get down and dirty (yeah I said it) or the cat tipping over a glass in the other room or your eye suddenly catching sight of the Bible on the top shelf are just small cues to remind you to stop and choose honor over lust and run (do not walk) in the opposite direction. 

Today I just wanted to take a moment out and encourage my single brothers and sisters in Christ in what has turned into a sometimes silent struggle. Take courage and talk about what's really going on in your lives--sex included--so that the enemy doesn't have a foothold to get you into bondage. Falls and "slip ups" happen when you live constantly in secret. Choose today to be real with some, trustworthy, equally-focused Christian who can keep you moving in the right direction...towards Christ.

Stay strong and be encouraged,

Pastor Andrea

DAY 33: He's Got You

There's no other feeling like the one that God has forgotten you. I'm not sure what the emotion word would be to express the feeling of being lost or perhaps neglected. The one word that seems to make the most sense is FORSAKEN. I just felt the need to write today a brief reminder that you have not been forsaken. I realize that it's easy for me to say and harder to believe. However, there really are some things that you need to take at face value. This promise is one of them. There are a few things that God says over and over and over again throughout the Bible. For instance, there are so many references to "do not fear" or to "be courageous". Similarly, there are many notations throughout God's Word that says that he will never leave you or forsake you. Earlier, I was reminded of two of my favorite scriptures that constantly keep that before me: Isaiah 42:16 and 49:16. The point of them both? God has not forgotten you. Just like people write things on their hands in an effort to remember them, God has permanently engraved your name on the palm of his hand so that you know that you are always at the top of his thoughts.

It's easy to feel like you are on the road to nowhere all by yourself. You can't see what's coming next, but just remember that that is the essence of faith--trusting in what you can't see and what you can't figure out. It's possible that you're in one of those situations where you can't lean on your own understanding (Prov 3:5-6) and have to fully trust in the Lord. Maybe you've stepped out on the proverbial water like Peter and you are searching for Christ to be out there with you. Or maybe you're trying to find the courage to try something completely different or new. While your hesitation in moving forward may be normal, it is not necessary. God is ready to walk with you, behind you, in front of you and carry you as the situation may require.

As you feel troubles and distress coming at you on every side, today, be reminded that God has you in the palm of His hand. He has not forgotten you. And, though you can't see the path clearly, just know that God is leading the way.

Be encouraged,
Pastor Andrea

DAY 30-32: One for the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost?

I've been thinking a lot about a phrase that I've read in the bible a lot and wondered what it would take to get to. It's been a prayer of mine since I came to know the Lord that I would never understand fully what it means to have a hardened heart. And over the last few days the thought has truly been pressing on my mind. In fact, the last 72 hours have truly been a bit of a whirlwind. I've struggled with the devotional--not for lack of trying. Each day, I've spent the time in personal devotion around having a hardened heart, and each day I've felt like I've had a topic that wasn't quite finished.

It didn't make much sense to me until I finally realized that it wasn't really just one negative emotion or behavior but that there were really three in one that are so closely united that they are best discussed together--self-righteousness, conceit, and hardened heart. As I read the scriptures around having a hard heart, I grew sadder and sadder. I think that I've come to understand some of my sadness after some events of the last few days. As a pastor/counselor, over the years I've had the opportunity to walk with people through some of the highest of their highs and the lowest of their lows. And as you watch people make their own personal journeys from the outside looking in, it is only natural to do some self-checking on your own "right-ness".

It's like watching a child go to touch a hot stove burner. You tell them, "Don't touch. It's hot." Most of us as children were just hard-headed enough to try it anyway. And we'd have to have touched the heated metal before we had a concept of what "hot" meant. Usually, that would be enough to ward us off. But then there's the child who, after they got that understanding would tempt fate and try to see just how close they could place their hand over and over again without reaching that final sting--getting close enough to feel the increased heat but not so close that they are truly burned. Then you have those few for whom the sting of burning flesh may not have been enough. Those are the few (perhaps somewhat psychotic) who would touch the eyelet and see how long they could stand the burn. Even the smell of burning flesh could not be enough to register in their brain that they had crossed a line.

It seems crazy, right? And yet this is the image God has given me of myself and of other Christians. As I think of all of the things that I've struggled with through the years--all of the ways that I've sinned and compromised righteousness and push the limits on how far I'd go to stay just within the boundaries of "the law"--I'm amazed at God's continued mercy and grace. I often read through the Old Testament and shake my head at the children of Israel. I can see them from the outside looking in and say "How can you be so stupid and so disobedient to a gracious God? How could you spend 40 years in the desert making an 8-11 day trip? Why couldn't you just get it right?!" It's just like with the child touching the burner. You think, "Why can't you just listen when I say 'don't touch' instead of having to push the envelope?" I can point the finger at them and see the "splinters in their eyes", however that has usually backfired on me as God points out the planks in mine (Mathew 7:3-5).

It's that place of judgement and self-righteousness that I began to see is tied to a hardened heart. Often we get into a space where our confidence is misplaced. We become confident to the point of conceit and think that we can't be broken or that nothing can get beyond us. We tell ourselves so many self-elevating lies: We're on top of everything. We are superheros in our own minds. The thing that trips up another person will not trip us up. The same rules that apply to others, the same cautions from the Lord, don't apply to us. God's commands are merely guidelines that we can use. And it's so easy to do that most of us do it daily. We push the boundaries and subconsciously (and consciously) try to figure out just how far we can go before we have truly broken the rules. We get as close to the edge of our spiritual obedience cliffs as possible without falling over.

And just as we watch children burning their fingers or read of the children of Israel in disbelief, I believe that God watches us with an equally grieved heart. God's desire is for the best for us. Like any parent, He'd love for us to understand and get things merely on his "say so". But like any parent he also understands that there are some things we just have to experience. And so we go through the ringer and we experience testing and trials that are, in some cases, of our own making as we push the boundaries. Sometimes God has to use that "tough love" methodology and not rescue us but allow the consequences of our behavior to humble us and remind us that there is none righteous except God.

Today, I want to encourage you to do a self check and ask yourself where you are pushing the boundaries. Where have you been delayed in your obedience (thus creating disobedience)? Where have you held confidence in yourself and not kept your confidence in Christ. Where have you allowed your confidence and self-righteousness to distance you from sage advice turning your hard head to a hardened heart? "Today if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts as in the rebellion." (Hebrews 3:15) Listen close to the heeding of the Lord and walk boldly in the confidence we have in him to accomplish all that he has for you. And I pray that the places that your heart has begun to harden will get chipped away by his voice, his guiding, his love and his grace.

Be encouraged,
Pastor Andrea

DAY 29: Ending the Search for Significance

Over the last few years, I've watched both afar and up close as people have searched for SIGNIFICANCE. It's so very easy to get to the place where you feel as though your life or you specifically are the essence of being "too small or unimportant to be worth consideration; meaningless". Perhaps you feel as though your contribution on your job is meaningless. Or maybe you constantly feel like the people around you see you as unimportant. But I was reading in Colossians today and was really encouraged by a single phrase. Now, I have to warn you up front that I am completely taking this out of context here, but I could not resist. Chapter 2, verse 18 begins by saying, "Let no one disqualify you..." Another translation says, "Let no man rob you of your prize..."

I thought about it for a while and realized so many of us disqualify ourselves before anyone else even has a chance. While we anticipate being rendered as insignificant in someone else's eyes, we must first ask ourselves if we are significant in our own. Just like beauty, significance is in the eye of the beholder. Though there are times functionally that you may have less work-related significance; no profession or social interaction can ever have the power to define who you are. I Peter 2:9 reminds us that in the Kingdom economy of significance, we are a part of a "chosen generation" and "royal". As children of the King of Kings, we are to find our significance in that and not in the day-to-day workings of our lives.

True, that is easier said than done. When someone is facing you with a look of disdain or when you don't feel heard or trusted or valued, it is difficult to remember that your search for significance should lead you to the cross. Your search for significance should remind you that God even made something as small as a mustard seed be a symbol for faith. If a mustard seed has relevance and significance in this life, then how much more do we? When we measure our value and our worth, are we seeing the people whose lives are affected because we prayed for them or because we smiled at them when they thought no one cared? Are we thinking of the times when God has used a person or His Word to speak directly to us in answer to prayer--making us significant enough to warrant a response? Are we considering times when we have prayed or spent time with the Lord and simply felt the amazing warmth of the Spirit of the Lord comfort of his presence make us feel special and cared for?

Maybe that's the problem. Perhaps you've never had an encounter with God that gave you that comfort or that gave you that reminder. Today, my prayer is that each of you reading these Prayer Points will have such an encounter with God. I pray that your significance will be wrapped up in His presence and delivered with a bow. I pray that in the coming days, you will experience God in new, reviving ways that end your search for significance in the right spot--Him.

Be encouraged,
Pastor Andrea

DAY 25: Can't Slay Dragons You Avoid

I slayed a dragon just now.

I know that sounds odd, but it's how I feel. Beyond procrastination and beyond fear was a big ugly dragon called AVOIDANCE. Procrastination is about delaying and putting something off where avoidance tries to prevent it completely. So what I've learned over the years is that I have a bad habit of avoiding things that I don't want to deal with. (It's probably just me. The rest of you face things head on, I know, but bear with me because I'm a work in progress.) Particularly, those things I don't understand...well...it's better left off my radar (not even at the bottom of the "To-Do" list) than where I have to constantly be reminded that there's something or someone I'm avoiding dealing with and that someone is God.

I probably shouldn't admit that. I mean, I'm a minister, a pastor, a prophet of God...and I'm struggling to pray to the Lord?! I call myself a Christian (and truly am). I love God. I get excited about God. I talk about God and encourage people in God. I read about God and listen to God. What kind of sense does that make? None. However, sensible or not, there's been a couple of things (a.k.a. dragons) that I honestly have shut down the lines of communication with Him on. Or at least I had.

But this evening, I faced one of those dragons. This evening, I decided that I would stop not praying about some questions I have. Not praying got me no closer to answers but that has a good and bad side. If you pray...if you ask questions with authenticity and truth then you must be willing and ready to hear answers. And THAT is where my avoidance was birthed. I haven't been afraid really that God would say no about some things. In fact, I think I have gotten used to a "no" or "not now" in some areas of my life. So what happens when in your spirit you feel a shifting and you have a feeling that the answer may actually be "yes"? What's a girl to do!?

Well this girl did the first unhealthy, negative thing I could think to do--took it off the radar and avoided. I checked emails, talked to people, surfed the social sites, made phone calls, wrote blogs...and didn't do the written prayer in my journal that I knew the Lord was calling for specific to this one issue. What's worse, I didn't even know I was doing it until I looked up and realized that I had been eating it up. Instead of facing the Lord, I was facing a plate or a snack. After such great progress in my journey towards health, I began putting that on the line again all in the name of avoidance.

And yes, fear is tied up in this thing. Truly my fear of failure has risen to the top on multiple occasions but what scares me more (and what was at play here) is about that fear of success. Success and yeses mean expectations and responsibilities. Somewhere along the way, I had managed to convince myself that I could not handle either. Somewhere along the way, I'd allowed the enemy to whisper that LIE into my spirit and it stuck...well until today. Today, I faced that dragon. Today, I looked it squarely in the face (after I ate the last snack bar of course) and said DIE because "Greater is He that is in my than he that is in the world." (1 John 4:4) Today I decided to heed the scripture that says to "walk in the Spirit, and don't gratify the desires of the flesh" (Galatians 5:16). Though that verse truly speaks about sin, I think it's applicable to walk in the spirit and not give in to the desire of my flesh to avoid God.

If what I've written here sounds familiar to you too, then bravo in advance for facing and slaying your dragons. You can't slay them though if you avoid them. And if this is not you...well then pray for us. Either way and most importantly...be encouraged to face GOD head on with boldness or with hesitation. He can take it.

Blessings,
Pastor Andrea

DAY 23: Thought I Was Good...Until I Wasn't...

I was wondering what I would write about today. Today was a good day. I felt like I handled things fine and that no new negative issues came out of me. I also didn't interact with someone where I saw something negative glaring out at me. Like I said, it was a good day. So I sat down to pray about it and got distracted by instagram. Yes...I allowed the allure of the "you've got mail/notifications" draw my attention. As I ran through some of photos of the day, I stopped at one of a lady in her wedding dress and thought to myself how I could never afford such a beautiful, extravagant dress or gorgeous photographs but wishing deeply that I could. In that small moment of nothingingness the word ENVY crossed my heart.

Wow! How quickly had I gone from feeling like I was doing good to realizing that, even in my "goodness", I was still not alright. Now, don't get me wrong, this is not about condemnation. I fully understand what it says in Romans 8 that there is no condemnation to those who are in Christ. Finding the roots of negative feelings/emotions/behaviors in my and others' lives is not about pointing fingers or chastising any of us. But what I believe is that words and thoughts have power. So like what happened today, it would have been so easy for me to get fully distracted by that longing for what I feel like I couldn't/don't have (as per the definition of envy). We must remember that what distracts us can also be what delays us. What distracts us can be the thing that holds us back from truly accomplishing what God wants for us because we are so focused on idolizing the accomplishments and blessings of others.

In fact, the Bible says that envy is one of the "evil things" that "defile a person" (Mark 7:22-23) and that "envy makes bones rot" (Proverbs 14:30). This is not simply about being jealous and hating on someone else and thinking that you deserve what they have more, but instead coveting what they have and putting your soul in danger of a fate that doesn't seem to appealing to most. I don't know about you, but the thought of being defiled or rotten is simply not a good thing to me. So, when I take a moment to acknowledge these moments of envy, then I can stop it in its tracks. Saying "don't envy" is not saying "don't dream". Instead it's saying that you keep your dreams flowing in the right direction. When envy shows itself, I can commit that desire of my heart to the Lord and hope that my desire lines up with God's. I can ask God to change my heart towards the things that make his heart beat. Most importantly, I can redirect my distracted focus back where it should be--on the Father.

You likely aren't envious of a silly fluffy white dress or the eye of a good photographer capturing "your good side" as I. You may desire more money, a thinner body, a buffer body, a different professional opportunity, a different social opportunity...no matter what your thing is, know that I'm praying with and for you that God would take full control of your focus and full control of your dreams on this day.

Be encouraged,
Pastor Andrea

DAY 20: Over 200 Spots of Joy

There are over 200 references to the word "joy" (or a version thereof) in the ESV translation of the Bible. That means that in the midst of talking about prison, famine, sacrifice, humility, anger, salvation, trials, tribulations, persecution, and so much more, God inserts moments of JOY. So that's what I felt led to do today. In the mid-point of this devotional season devoted to rooting through our negative "stuff", God is inserting a moment of joy. It's my prayer that today you capture those moments, hold them tight and forward them along to someone else who is in need of your bright spot.

Blessings of Joy,
Pastor Andrea

DAY 18: Taste Anything?

There are so may parts of life that are sweet, but in the midst of all the sweetness are also moments of fatigue, grief, hurt, and frustration that make another taste be at the back of our taste buds and overwhelm us--BITTERNESS. Despite the sweet, it's so easy to allow bitterness to be what governs us. There's so much that I could say about it. I could tell you about the times when I've been angry or resentful  or wronged and allowed that to dissipate into bitterness. However, in the end, if you are reading this, then you are grown and I don't have to convince you that bitterness is real. In fact, the person/people this is for today need me to get to the point. So you want to know what to do about bitterness? Ready? Are you listening? Stop.....it.

I know you're hurt and I'm sorry that you've had to experience that betrayal, sting, slap, yuckiness... But no you don't deserve what you think you deserve. Things shouldn't have gone a different way. Because, if you're anything like me, then you must take a minute and reflect on the times when you were bitter that life didn't go your way and then, later, caught a 20/20 hindsight view and could say that things were for the best. Today's point deserves no soft-shoe entry to help us stop the impact of bitterness. At some point, you just have to decide that God knows best. At some point, you just have to be ready to trust Him. At some point, you have to be willing to let it go and simply STOP reminiscing on the place of your bitterness--stop telling the story to anyone who will listen, stop writing Facebook statuses alluding to it, stop writing about it in your journal, stop spending precious brain space breath and emotional energy on the story of your woe. The moment it begins to come off the tip of your tongue replace it with "STOP IT Satan because I know that ALL things work together for the good of those who are the called according to his purpose and that means ME." (Romans 8:28) Yes, that means you. YOU are "the called". You have to stop bitterness in it's tracks and not allow it to continue to taint the sweetness that is life.

No...things aren't perfect and there is pain in life. But there is life. And when you look at the alternative, can't you find anything to be grateful for? I know I can. So today, I just want to challenge you more than encourage you to actively resist the temptation to focus on what makes things bitter over what makes things sweet and I'd love to hear what happens when you do because even if you're doubtful, I'm expecting God to do some miraculous things in your heart.

Consider yourself challenged.

Blessings,
Pastor Andrea

DAY 17: Out of the Darkness

Sitting in a dark room can be comforting at times. Assuming you have no fear of the dark, the mere act of being alone in a space where everything is still can be life-giving when all the hustle and bustle of things have drained your last bit of energy. The darkness of the room seems to bring a silence that is calming to all angst. While, we often use the analogy of darkness to (appropriately) represent evil, there is a side of darkness that simply represents stillness and rest. In the still of the night so-to-speak... We sleep in the dark. Our bodies naturally regenerate in that time of still darkness. And then the light comes...

At some point, we must rejoin the world. At some point, we must allow the light, the activity of life to begin again. Whether you call it "the blues" or just being "down", depression is a big word with so many layers and so many levels. The one thing I know is that most people may not be clinical but have moments of depression in their lives. Sometimes it's because of relationships, sometimes our jobs, other times situations in the world and still other times we cannot even find the words to say why or how we got to this space...it just is.

But no matter how you get to the point of feeling engulfed in literal or figurative darkness, there is hope to pull us out of depression. What the enemy tries to convince us is that we must stay down in the depth of the darkness--turning it from a place of refuge to a place of bondage. But Truth says that "greater is he that is in YOU, than he that is in the world" (1 John 4:4) and that stinkin' enemy does not have the authority or the power to keep you in darkness. I'm not saying that taking that step will always be easy. For some, the mere idea of pressing forward can be overwhelming and cause anxiety. What I am saying is that there is a reward on the other side of the door...on the other side of the darkness. I'm here today to remind you that there is power in light. There can be joy in deciding to rejoin the world. There is freedom in making a conscious decision to speak to people and embrace life.

Maybe you've been feeling down, "blue", sad...depressed. The first step to healing is to move out of that space of darkness and into light. That may be a matter of shaking off your "blah" day and deciding by re-engaging with friends and family; or it may be that you shine light on true illness and seek help from a professional. You've rested. You've embraced the stillness. Now it's time to burst forth into life. The bible reminds us that we are "a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light." Put simply, God is interested in our mental and emotional health.

Today, be encouraged to move forward in the decision to not allow the enemy to keep you bound in darkness. Come into the marvelous light...

Blessings,
Pastor Andrea

DAY 16: Good Grief!

Anyone who has ever watched a Peanuts special knows the phrase "Good grief!" It was the phrase that Charlie Brown uttered at every turn in exasperation. Now I may be telling my age at the mere mention of Charlie Brown, but it is not without cause. You see, I was reflecting on the term and wondered if there is ever such a thing as "good" grief. I've been in an emotional space that's a bit out of sorts. Nothing is wrong per se. I'm doing what I love to do. I work for an awesome God. I support some really wonderful people in doing great things for the Lord. I have love surrounding me in the form of friends and family. Truly, life is pretty good...and yet still out of sorts.

So as I have been attempting to unpack this space of dis-ease and I realized that most of it is just simple fatigue. However, there's a part of this space that has nothing to do with where I am and mostly to do with where I'm not. I realized that I was experiencing an undercurrent of grief.

No, no one I know recently died. That would have been a clear indicator of my grief. Instead, the remnants of this grief snuck in when I least expected it through what I call unfulfilled dreams. Most of the time, I don't think about it. However, every now and again the melancholy of life's ups and downs will sneak in. Perhaps for you it's not about things that haven't happened as much as it is about things that have. Maybe you've lost a friendship or you've changed professional direction. Perhaps you were fired from a job or fired from a relationship (i.e. divorce, break up). It could be that for you, it is genuinely the loss of a loved one. No matter what reason grief rears its ugly head, it just tends to show up on our doorsteps (at times unannounced).

As I had this epiphany, it was not without solution. Two things came my way and are ministering to me in this space. The first are two quotes that I stumbled upon that get right to the heart of the matter: "...the only cure for grief is to grieve." (Earl Grollman) and "No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear." (C.S. Lewis). So often, we are looking for a shortcut or a magic pill to get through the hard points in our life. But the truth is that we just have to go through some things. And, in the case of grief, we fear the thing...the person...the possibilities we miss. For those things that we have yet to see come to pass, we fear that they never will. For things that have happened before, we fear that they will never happen again.

But that's where the second thing that I discovered comes into play. It's, in fact, more important of my two discoveries and it is scripture that puts salve on the healing spaces in my heart:

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, 

the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts 

us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to 

comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with 

which we ourselves are comforted by God. (2 Cor 1:3-4)

At the end of the day, it's this scripture that fills my soul when I'm at my most fatigued. It's the Word of God that truly comforts my heart when I'm feeling most at a loss and trying not to be weary. It's His Word that reminds me that there is purpose in this time of wondering, hoping, and grieving--helping us...helping me to see that there really is a "good" element to grief. It doesn't make the fatigue or pain disappear, but it does assuage it just enough to make it possible for us to simply grieve and get through it.

Today, I pray that you be encouraged in the spaces of your grief. May the God of all comfort comfort you in all your affliction so that you will be able to comfort others who are afflicted. 

Blessings,
Pastor Andrea