DAY 40: Last Call...Loneliness

The room grew still as the pitter patter of applause cut through the dark silence. The pastor had just said my name and all eyes turned to find me on the front row of the 1,200-seat sanctuary. It was the early morning service which boasted a smaller/more intimate crowd than the other two that would follow throughout the day, but I knew that this moment was simply a precursor to the exact same ritual that would come during the announcement period at each of the subsequent services. So I followed through with the obligatory stand, wave and smile as he shared the wonderful news of my first book signing in between services in the lobby and encouraged the congregation’s support of my work. It was truly a unique and memorable way for me to spend Valentine’s Day.

As the applause died down and the focus went on to the next announcement, I took my seat and felt a profound emptiness overtake me. Hundreds of people surrounded me and yet I suddenly could feel nothing but sadness as I realized that I was celebrating this great accomplishment alone. I had friends coming throughout the day to assist with my book sales and church family who were excited and supportive, but that was not the point. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but the feeling lingered as I tried to just be happy about the day and the moment but struggled instead with feelings of extreme loneliness. Here I was, surrounded by people, and I had never felt so alone. Overwhelmed, I excused myself to the lady’s room thinking “Congratulations to me…” and cried. 

The idea of being alone in a crowd began to follow me the next couple of years.

And so goes the start to the book on LONELINESS that I've been writing for a couple of years now. Every time that I get started, I stop short of moving completely forward. Like most of the sermons I preach and words that I've written in the past, the words on the page come from the heart of my experiences and that is not always a comfortable place to share from. It's not easy to broadcast that life is not always what we would hope it to be.

But that's how we overcome and keep moving, right? The last 39 days have been all about walking through some of the negative emotions that have tripped me up, and it definitely hasn't been easy. The enemy would take the difficulty of testifying and use it to make us feel isolated--unseen, unheard, and un-cared for. However, in the end, I know that the more we share our testimonies of faith, the more we overcome. The more that we live transparently, the more we can hope that God receives the glory. This season of Lent has been a season of purging and processing--preparing me for the work of the Lord more and more. Tonight, I was reminded of Hebrews 12:1 that says that we are 'surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses' so we should 'throw off everything that hinders us and so easily entangles us and run our race with perseverance'. We are not alone in the spirit, we are surrounded.

I recognize that that lonely feeling is not about who is around you. It's not about your level of accomplishment. It's not about being single or married. It's about feeling full or empty, feeling valued or lost. You need to know (and remind yourself) that, though your heart feel the emptiness of loneliness at times, you are not alone. Remember that you are surrounded by a "great cloud" and that, even though you may be feeling alone in a crowd, you are not. You're not the only one who is contrary, doubting, angry, apathetic and more with a splash of joy thrown in for good measure. WE are in this together. But, even greater than that, God's got your back. When no earthly "company" feels like enough, he's there guiding, pushing and carrying you through your race. In all, I hope that it is that fact that will somehow resonate with you and help you keep running just one more step.

Though you may feel it at times...you may feel the hollowness of isolation, know that God has a "cloud of witnesses" standing with you at all times as you shake off all that may hinder you so you can continue with perseverance.

Be encouraged,
Pastor Andrea

DAY 17: Out of the Darkness

Sitting in a dark room can be comforting at times. Assuming you have no fear of the dark, the mere act of being alone in a space where everything is still can be life-giving when all the hustle and bustle of things have drained your last bit of energy. The darkness of the room seems to bring a silence that is calming to all angst. While, we often use the analogy of darkness to (appropriately) represent evil, there is a side of darkness that simply represents stillness and rest. In the still of the night so-to-speak... We sleep in the dark. Our bodies naturally regenerate in that time of still darkness. And then the light comes...

At some point, we must rejoin the world. At some point, we must allow the light, the activity of life to begin again. Whether you call it "the blues" or just being "down", depression is a big word with so many layers and so many levels. The one thing I know is that most people may not be clinical but have moments of depression in their lives. Sometimes it's because of relationships, sometimes our jobs, other times situations in the world and still other times we cannot even find the words to say why or how we got to this space...it just is.

But no matter how you get to the point of feeling engulfed in literal or figurative darkness, there is hope to pull us out of depression. What the enemy tries to convince us is that we must stay down in the depth of the darkness--turning it from a place of refuge to a place of bondage. But Truth says that "greater is he that is in YOU, than he that is in the world" (1 John 4:4) and that stinkin' enemy does not have the authority or the power to keep you in darkness. I'm not saying that taking that step will always be easy. For some, the mere idea of pressing forward can be overwhelming and cause anxiety. What I am saying is that there is a reward on the other side of the door...on the other side of the darkness. I'm here today to remind you that there is power in light. There can be joy in deciding to rejoin the world. There is freedom in making a conscious decision to speak to people and embrace life.

Maybe you've been feeling down, "blue", sad...depressed. The first step to healing is to move out of that space of darkness and into light. That may be a matter of shaking off your "blah" day and deciding by re-engaging with friends and family; or it may be that you shine light on true illness and seek help from a professional. You've rested. You've embraced the stillness. Now it's time to burst forth into life. The bible reminds us that we are "a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light." Put simply, God is interested in our mental and emotional health.

Today, be encouraged to move forward in the decision to not allow the enemy to keep you bound in darkness. Come into the marvelous light...

Blessings,
Pastor Andrea

DAY 13: Anxiety stinks...just sayin'...

The last few years have been...well...interesting, to say the least. I've truly been on a journey with God that I've likened to water-walking. It's been about stepping out onto the unknown and keeping my eyes on Jesus all the while. (If you don't know the story of Jesus' disciple Peter walking on water, then check out Matthew 14.) There have been plenty of moments where I've felt like I was about to sink. As friendships ebbed and flowed and money did the same, I wondered where I was going wrong. I felt like crying out to God on more occasions than I care to remember, "What's wrong with me?!" or "Why can't I have an EASY button, Lord?" And the Lord has heard my whines and has never turned a deaf ear. My anxieties are not news to God. The Bible tells me that he foreknew me before I was formed in my mother's womb (Jeremiah 1:5). He is not surprised by my life's circumstances and he knew the decisions I would make because he knows me better than anyone. He knew that very early on, I would need Philippians 4:6-7 as one of my key life verses.

Each and every time I begin to experience anxiety about what I am or am not doing, who I have or have not become, God faithfully brings this verse back to my remembrance. And every time, I find that peace rising up to the top to quiet my anxieties. It's gotten to the point where I've begun to see anxiety as a place of sin in my heart. You see, every time I get anxious, it's like a slap in the face to God--saying that I don't believe that he knows me as good as he does or that his plan for me needs my help. My anxiousness is a sign of being on the water, taking my eyes off Jesus, beginning to watch the waves and sink. My anxiousness impedes my ability to trust him fully.

Today, I know that there are many people who are sinking...or at least you feel like you are. You feel as though you've taken a step of faith--either big or small--and are now in the middle of the ocean floundering. But the good news is that you are not alone. God is out there with you. He wants to remind you today that your focus needs to be on Him. He wants to encourage you that he's able to keep you from falling. He wants to comfort you with that "peace that surpasses all understanding." Just a suggestion where this is concerned: Take him up on it.

Lord today help us to truly 'cast our cares upon you knowing that you care for us' (1 Peter 5:7).

Thank you for being a great father who is the giver of the best gifts (James 1:17)...including peace.

Amen.

Blessings,

Pastor Andrea

DAY 3: Demolishing Walls of Shame

Today, I felt the Lord prompting me to share something about an event in my past with a group that I don't share often. It isn't a secret but it used to be. I used to tremble at the idea of people knowing about this place of shame. So it's one of those things that I don't talk about often. The reason is because for years I felt such shame associated with these particular events of my life. For many years, it was an aspect of my life that I always figured was better left in the past unless specifically prompted to bring it out into the present. But what I remarked on today (and have actually noticed the last few years of my life) is that the more I share and live transparently before people, the less I feel ensnared in the bondage that the enemy hopes to keep most of us in. Every time I have shared, I felt as though I was personally deconstructing the devil's wall of shame. His goal is to post the misfortunes, failures and tragedies of our lives on his wall. Our goal needs to be to tear it down!

Whether it is something we did or something done to us, he desires for us to constantly be judging ourselves and judging God's love for us by a clean wall. But what I know to be true is that's not how God operates. He does not remind us of our tragedy nor of our sins. The Bible tells us that "the steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is (God's) faithfulness." (Lamentations 3:22-23)

This means that there's nothing too great or too tragic or too shameful for God. And today as I shared, it occurred to me that I had stopped feeling shame years ago. Consequently, I was able to share with clarity and boldness...knowing that what I shared was out of obedience to the Lord. Furthermore, the sound of peace in my own heart and weightlessness of liberty washed over me even as I spoke. For I have found that what is beyond shame is a freedom in the spirit that can be rivaled by none.

Today, it's demolition time! Be encouraged to release the spaces of shame that have you tied in knots. Let me be a testament to you that the freedom from embracing every aspect of your life as one of the building blocks that is "working together for your good" (Romans 8:28), is well worth facing the fear of vulnerability. In the middle of the truth of who you are and all that you have been through, YOU ARE ENOUGH! You are valuable and your shame does not define you. And if that's just too much for you to think about right away, simply pray and ask that the Lord silence the enemy and give you the strength to face your truth in the absence of shame...

In you, O Lord, do I take refuge; let me never be put to shame; 

in your righteousness deliver me! Incline your ear to me;

rescue me speedily! Be a rock of refuge for me, a strong fortress to save me!

...I trust in you, O Lord; I say, “You are my God.” My times are in your hand; 

rescue me from the hand of my enemies and from my persecutors! 

Make your face shine on your servant; save me in your steadfast love! 

O Lord, let me not be put to shame, for I call upon you; 

let the wicked be put to shame; let them go silently to Sheol. 

Let the lying lips be mute, which speak insolently against the righteous in pride and contempt. 

Psalm 31:1,2,14-18

Blessings,
Pastor A

Moving Past "Didn't"

"Therefore do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. 

For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God 

you may receive what is promised....But we are not of those 

who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those 

who have faith and preserve their souls." 

Hebrews 10:36-37, 39

New Year's is one of my favorite times of the year (besides my birthday and Christmas, of course). I'm one of those people who thoroughly enjoys the pomp and circumstance of bringing in a new year (fireworks, dressing up, etc.); and I suppose that it's mostly because I like the idea of fresh starts. However, even with the promise of a fresh start around the corner, there is often a time at the end of the year when my heart starts to wane. I find myself doing self-assessments and pondering all of the things that happened throughout the year and all of the things that didn't. And it's the "didn't" things that tend to get top billing in my heart. I consider all of the things I wanted to accomplish or all of the hopes that I had for various promises of God to be fulfilled/made manifest in this year and my confidence begins to falter. "Didn't" seems to win out.

But without fail, God does what He did this week. He points me to His Word in reminder of how I can nip the downward spiral in the bud. I think we (including me) sometimes forget that God is the ultimate Father who wants to give good gifts...He's God who is actively "doing" and hasn't forgotten what's on his task list. He's not like our image of Santa Claus--He doesn't put us on a "naughty" or "nice" list and attach his promises to our works (though sometimes consequences to our actions feel that way). Keep in mind what he already DID despite whether we deserve it or not. I mean...He already gave the ultimate gift in His Son, but that wasn't the end. We (me too) need to remember that God isn't done. It's like if a parent gives a child what they asked for for one birthday...they don't resolve to never give their child another gift ever again in life. Such is how God does me (His favorite daughter). Such is how God does you.

And so, this end of year time as you begin to self-assess and wonder/worry/ponder on the things that you didn't get or do, take heart that there is still a "great reward" that awaits. God is in the did business! Do not shrink, but instead be one to have faith and endure because what God promised is still on the horizon.

Be encouraged and encourage someone else...
Pastor Andrea

Hit The Wall...But Keep Shuffling

“For You are my lamp, O Lord; The Lord shall enlighten my darkness.
For by You I can run against a troop; By my God I can leap over a wall...

2 Samuel 22:29-30

There's a phrase that is used in the runner's world (and beyond) that describes that moment when you're on a run or working out where you simply can't go another step. When I was training for a marathon, I used to hit that wall in our long distance runs somewhere around mile #13. And I can tell you that, when you've hit a big wall, your pace slows to a drag and you literally feel yourself shuffling to advance even an inch or two (if that). Your energy level plummets and you feel like sleep is the only option...right there in the middle of the road. It's one of the rare moments where you wonder if you will meet your Maker right then and there.

The thing about a runner's wall is that it's mostly mental. And if you have been trained well, the key to hitting a wall is not to let it stop you. You may drink a taste of water or eat a bite of your energy bar. However, that little shuffle may be all you can do. That little shuffle becomes necessary as a means of keeping momentum going. Because if you keep shuffling long enough, what always surprised me was that eventually the weight of the wall lifts and you catch that second (or third or fourth wind) and can finish your race. The key is to simply press on over your wall until you make it to the other side.

Similarly, life can sometimes get us to the place where we feel as though we have hit our "wall" and simply cannot go another step. Quite frankly, I was feeling this way earlier this week...on the verge of tears but not really sure where to pull from to even cry, hungry, hormonal, exhausted while still bubbling with energy, homesick while glad to be where I am...plain and simply an emotional mess. I had hit my wall. And, as I tried to explain the saying to someone for whom English is not their first language, the Lord began to minister to me. In the midst of my explanation, He reminded me that, just like that runners wall, this space I was in was mostly mental and that the key to getting over was to keep shuffling.

At times we may not have the energy to leap walls in a single bound like Superman/woman. We may not have the resources of Spiderman to pull us over. But we have strength greater than any comic hero. We have the strength and fortitude of The Almighty bottled up inside of us for such times as this. The scripture tells us that by Him we can run against troops and leap over walls--mental or physical. 

So today, if you feel yourself about to hit that wall...pull out your favorite Bible verse, call on your friend to pray...but most of all keep shuffling...Be encouraged that with God, you'll be able to make it over to the other side.

Blessings,
PastorA

P.S. Maybe this message wasn't for you but you have a friend whose been a bit down in the dumps...don't forget to "pay it forward" and pass it along.

Get Perspective

Have you ever felt like your mind was spinning? No literally...as if the inside of your brain may truly leak out of the side of your ears if you turned to fast to the left or the right? There's no doubt that 9 times out of 10, you understand this or know someone who has recently expressed feeling like they are in that whirlwind where everything seems bigger than what it really is. The roller coaster ride of your life seems to be never-ending and you wonder if today will be the day that the cart pulls into the station to give you a moment of rest.

Well I get it. Been there, done that, still wearing the T-shirt. I, like so many others, get caught up in the minutia of my problems and forget the bigger picture. I stop seeing God and see only the threads of my life that are woven together in a pattern that only He truly understands. Recently, in the midst of that feeling, I was listening to a worship mix and the song I Choose To Worship (sung by Wess Morgan) came on. I felt God nudging me into release the details of my life to Him and Matthew 11:28 came to mind: "Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." I began to write in my journal the realities of my feelings--aching, discomfort, uncertainty, etc--and then sealed it with the words "God knows." 

When I took that moment to breathe...when I took that small moment to step back and get some perspective, the peace of the Lord began to work on my anxiety. Sure, money problems don't just go away, relationship issues don't simply vanish, trials and traumas don't magically disappear...but when I give it to God then I know it will be taken care of according to His will. No matter what "it" is, He knows. No matter how traumatic or dramatic the issue, God knows. And when He knows he doesn't just sympathize with us. He literally takes on our burdens--leaving us to do what we can and leave the rest up to Him.

Today, my friends, take a deep breath. Choose to worship and tune into Him instead of the rhythm of your concerns. Be encouraged that God knows and He will give you rest if you allow Him to.

Blessings,
PastorA

P.S. Wondering what the picture above is? A purse...but up close, all you see is threads...gotta step back to get perspective. Selah.

Stuck In Neutral

When Jesus saw him lying there, and knew that he already had been in that condition a long time, He said to him, “Do you want to be made well?” The sick man answered Him, “Sir, I have no man to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up; but while I am coming, another steps down before me.” Jesus said to him, “Rise, take up your bed and walk.” And immediately the man was made well, took up his bed, and walked.

John 5:6-9

Anyone who has ever had car trouble knows that it’s never fun. But I have to admit that I was somewhat amused one of the more recent times that car trouble darkened my doorstep. You see, I’ve gotten to the point where I try not to worry about things that I cannot fix and simply wait (and expect) God to take care of matters. But I digress…this time, I was having trouble with the gear shift. The car was stuck in gear. Now, I know that doesn’t seem amusing, but the amusing part was when the Lord began to minister to me through the failed mechanics of my vehicle. You see, the car was stuck in NEUTRAL.

The motor was running fine and the car could drift wherever I pushed it, but it wouldn’t actually shift into drive. And I knew in my heart, that God was trying to get my attention and show me areas of my life where I had become stuck in a spiritual “neutral”—where I had become somewhat numb and allowed some of life’s ups and downs to dictate where I did or didn’t go. In the midst of my waiting season, I admit that apathy had begun in ways to set in. Just like my car, I was running just fine from the outside but had a glitch that meant I couldn’t go full steam ahead. It reminded me of the man at the pool of Bethesda who sat year after year waiting for something to happen instead of making it happen for himself.

At the end of the day, my car was an easy fix. One small part had gone awry. And God is saying to me and to you that it can be just that simple for us. How often in our lives do we allow one small element of our world to throw us completely off course or, worse yet, to stagnate us? Where is God trying to take you that has been hindered by a simple fix (ex. a different perspective, a new route, a different mindset)? Today, you have the opportunity to break out your tools and make a simple fix in your spirit. The Word of God and the fellowship with His children make all the difference in being able to move out of neutral. Be encouraged today to make the decision to surround yourself with the right folks and fill yourself with the right words. It can be as simple as that.

Blessings,

PastorA

Where There's A Will...

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13

Over the years, I have been fortunate enough to go down some challenging routes of faith for God. My decision to follow Him was not predicated upon conditions of where/how I would be willing to go or not. I didn't say "I'll go if..." I've trusted Him (even when scared) as opportunities to do somewhat unrealistic things with my life or to venture to somewhat dangerous areas, during somewhat dangerous times. However, I am often surprised by the fact that the loudest voices of fear that I hear come from Christians. Their excitement for what God is doing in/through me is often tempered by love and words of caution. As a human being, it makes me smile and feel cared for, but as I listened to the last of these "lectures of love" most recently from a relative, I couldn't help but feel a little sad as well.

You see, there are some verses of scripture that just about every Christian can recite (even if they don't know where it's found in the Bible). Philippians 4:13 is one of those verses. But I often find myself wondering if we really believe what we recite. Do we believe that small three letter word that defines what we are capable of...A-L-L? When David faced Goliath with stones, He didn't cower in fear but conquered in courage (I Sam 17). When Abraham was told to leave all he knew to be precious and "go", he didn't didn't rest on a "woe is me" song but instead started singin' "On the road again..." (Gen 12). When Esther was asked to stand against all odds before a king in the face of death, through her own fear/hesitation, she rose to the challenge "for such a time as this" (Esther 4). And when Christ himself faced the cross, he did so saying "not my will by Thy Will be done" (Luke 22:42).

From Genesis to Revelations, we have that "great crowd of witnesses" that the Bible talks about (Heb 12:1) who testify to how God can both grant supernatural victories in the face of defeat and bless you beyond your wildest dreams while doing it. The key to being able to really live that Scripture out is simply to do it. There is no magic solution. This week alone, there have been forces coming against you to stop you from doing things (big and small) that line up with God's Will for your life. And time and time again, you've allowed the small voices of fear and doubt to overrule the "still small voice" of God unctioning you further in Him. God wants to help you do the impossible. He wants you to take your eyes off the greatness of the end result and just do what He told you to do. Take that leap of faith to find what you need waiting for you at the top of your jump. What's waiting are the fruit of His promises and the relief of your destiny. Be encouraged this week to plow forward into ALL THINGS with abandon that shows you truly believe that you can do it all through Him.

Blessings,
PastorA

Faith = "Do It Scared"

For in it the righteousness of God is revealed 

from faith to faith; as it is written, 

“The just shall live by faith.” 

Romans 1:17

The other week, I got a chance to spend some wonderful "catch up" time with my friend Cassandra. I'm not a big phone girl, but every once and a while I get on these marathon chats with dear friends from near or far and really catch up on life. And as we chatted and testified one to another, she said something that stuck with me. She called what I'm going through and what she's going through by name. She said we are "doing it scared". 

Came across this painting by Herschberger that says it all

I haven't been able to shake her words. I told her then that I would steal it but in reality I just think that it's worth repeating. You see, both of us have had so many people ask us "how are you doing this?" People look at her incredulously as she explains that she's an older woman who has decided to go to medical school when most are deciding to retire. People look at me like I've lost my mind when I say that I'm not exactly sure what the next step is but that I just heard God say "go" so I'm doing it. It's an unnerving space to be in. Though fear sometimes tries to sneak in and steal a piece of my heart, I remind myself constantly that my faith must overpower it...that 'greater is He that is within me' (1 John 4:4). I described it as feeling like I'm floating through life with God alone as my safety net.

At the end of the day, there's no massive secret to this space we're in. You see, what it boils down to plain and simple 'ole faith. And I'm sure you're tired of hearing about it, but I can't preach/teach faith enough. It's more than a way to describe your religion...It's more than a principle, it's a lifestyle. You can't decide to embrace faith one day and shake it off the next day. Well you can but it doesn't do you much good. When you've really embedded yourself in faith and faith embedded itself in you, it means that you don't always understand what's ahead of you but it's alright. You don't always know where the resources are going to come from. You don't always know what people will stick around, who will go by the wayside, or who will resurface. You can't predict how it's all going to end. But WHEN GOD SAYS IT, YOU JUST DO IT anyway. Do it despite the fact that you don't understand and are shaking in your boots. Do it scared!

God will honor your faith. Be encouraged today to take that step closer towards Him despite your fears.

Blessings,
PastorA

P.S. If this spoke to you, praise God. If not...then perhaps it's for your friend so be a gem and forward it along. :) Thanks!

Anxious to Hear

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

Have you ever been anxiously awaiting someone's call? Perhaps it was a fine man or woman you thought might be "the one", the job you knew would take you to that next level of success, the doctor with test results in your favor, or any number of opportunities that awaited you on the other end of the line. We've all been there eyeing the phone like a watched pot that never seems to boil. And you think if you state hard enough, you can will it to sound. Or sometimes it is the other way around, and you are on the sending side--nervous about making a call out. The anticipation of the call is connected to your hope for the answer.

Similarly, there are times when we hesitate to pray, allowing time to get away from us or sleep to overtake us or "busy"ness to get in the way of making that outgoing call to God. Maybe He won't pick up? Perhaps He won't answer? Worse yet, perhaps He WILL? We remain silenced by our anticipation and fears.

But the thing to remember about God is that He is always on the other side of that line, anxiously awaiting your call. He WANTS to hear from you. He wants to be a part of your process and not simply an afterthought or consultant. He wants to give you PEACE and REST through your prayers. The scripture promises"peace that surpasses understanding" and compels us to "Come to (the Lord) all who labor and are heavy laden, and (he) will give you rest." (Mattew 11:28) You have been laboring and feeling the weight of the world (disguised as your life) on your shoulders. God is standing by in "ready mode" to tap in and take over that weighty feeling if you let Him. Unlike us awaiting the mate or job or tests, He doesn't NEED our call. But it is so much sweeter that He WANTS it.

Today, be encouraged to surrender your anxieties and fears and call Him up.

Blessings,
Pastor A

P.S. Today is the National Day of Prayer. Forward this blog to those who YOU are praying for and encourage them in the Lord.