DAY 40: Last Call...Loneliness

The room grew still as the pitter patter of applause cut through the dark silence. The pastor had just said my name and all eyes turned to find me on the front row of the 1,200-seat sanctuary. It was the early morning service which boasted a smaller/more intimate crowd than the other two that would follow throughout the day, but I knew that this moment was simply a precursor to the exact same ritual that would come during the announcement period at each of the subsequent services. So I followed through with the obligatory stand, wave and smile as he shared the wonderful news of my first book signing in between services in the lobby and encouraged the congregation’s support of my work. It was truly a unique and memorable way for me to spend Valentine’s Day.

As the applause died down and the focus went on to the next announcement, I took my seat and felt a profound emptiness overtake me. Hundreds of people surrounded me and yet I suddenly could feel nothing but sadness as I realized that I was celebrating this great accomplishment alone. I had friends coming throughout the day to assist with my book sales and church family who were excited and supportive, but that was not the point. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but the feeling lingered as I tried to just be happy about the day and the moment but struggled instead with feelings of extreme loneliness. Here I was, surrounded by people, and I had never felt so alone. Overwhelmed, I excused myself to the lady’s room thinking “Congratulations to me…” and cried. 

The idea of being alone in a crowd began to follow me the next couple of years.

And so goes the start to the book on LONELINESS that I've been writing for a couple of years now. Every time that I get started, I stop short of moving completely forward. Like most of the sermons I preach and words that I've written in the past, the words on the page come from the heart of my experiences and that is not always a comfortable place to share from. It's not easy to broadcast that life is not always what we would hope it to be.

But that's how we overcome and keep moving, right? The last 39 days have been all about walking through some of the negative emotions that have tripped me up, and it definitely hasn't been easy. The enemy would take the difficulty of testifying and use it to make us feel isolated--unseen, unheard, and un-cared for. However, in the end, I know that the more we share our testimonies of faith, the more we overcome. The more that we live transparently, the more we can hope that God receives the glory. This season of Lent has been a season of purging and processing--preparing me for the work of the Lord more and more. Tonight, I was reminded of Hebrews 12:1 that says that we are 'surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses' so we should 'throw off everything that hinders us and so easily entangles us and run our race with perseverance'. We are not alone in the spirit, we are surrounded.

I recognize that that lonely feeling is not about who is around you. It's not about your level of accomplishment. It's not about being single or married. It's about feeling full or empty, feeling valued or lost. You need to know (and remind yourself) that, though your heart feel the emptiness of loneliness at times, you are not alone. Remember that you are surrounded by a "great cloud" and that, even though you may be feeling alone in a crowd, you are not. You're not the only one who is contrary, doubting, angry, apathetic and more with a splash of joy thrown in for good measure. WE are in this together. But, even greater than that, God's got your back. When no earthly "company" feels like enough, he's there guiding, pushing and carrying you through your race. In all, I hope that it is that fact that will somehow resonate with you and help you keep running just one more step.

Though you may feel it at times...you may feel the hollowness of isolation, know that God has a "cloud of witnesses" standing with you at all times as you shake off all that may hinder you so you can continue with perseverance.

Be encouraged,
Pastor Andrea

DAY 37: Full Control

Have you ever been in a situation where you were anticipating a difficult conversation with someone; but before the conversation ever happened, you had already orchestrated it all? It's like you held the remote control of your life up--fast forwarding, pausing, skipping through various parts until you had decided what they were going to say, how they were going to say it, what your response was going to be and what would result from the conversation. As a result of the conversation you had in your mind on behalf of all parties, you either a) decided that it made it unnecessary to have the real conversation or b) went into the real conversation with assumptions and walls that were virtually insurmountable. In your effort to feel in control, you actually walked away feeling tired and extremely misunderstood?

That controlling spirit often takes us to a lonely and exhausted place that is simply no fun. I know that you've spent many an hour thinking and rethinking and OVERthinking the options of your life and found yourself feeling more and more isolated. It's easy to do. It's easy to get lost in the web of your own thoughts, and it's easy to keep people out with that very same web. It's hard to trust because it opens us up to the uncertainty of heartache. But you have to remember that when you open up, you are not just trusting other people with your heart, but you are demonstrating a trust in God that he will be your refuge (Psalm 91:2) and that he will protect you when you feel at a loss to protect yourself.

The Bible tells us in Proverbs 3:5 that we are to trust in the Lord with all of our hearts and lean not to our understanding'. I appreciate how it says "all" and not "some" or "part". We are to trust the Lord even with the part of our hearts that wants to feel known and understood in an authentic way. We are to trust the Lord with the part of our hearts that wants to feel connected. We are to trust the Lord with the part of our hearts that yearns to be in control. And when we trust him with all, when we release control, we allow God to create greater connections for us than we could have ever designed on our own. When we turn every thought and every heart's desire over to God, he said we could trust him to direct our paths. You may want to figure it out and know the next step, but God is challenging you today to let him take full control. Trust him...he's faithful to deliver "exceedingly, abundantly, above what you can ask or think" (Ephesians 3:20).

Be encouraged,
Pastor Andrea

DAY 36: It's A Shame

We all have those things that we hide and don't talk about openly--things that we aren't proud of in our lives and that have varying degrees of impact on how we live day to day. At times, we choose to allow those things and the shame we feel to disconnect us from the rest of the world. That's the point where shame becomes a tricky thing.

You see, shame is not a mystery to God even when it's a mystery to us. In fact, the Bible talks about how it's God that "shames" the wise (1 Corinthians 1:27) or those who are "treacherous" (Psalm 25:3) and there are countless places throughout the Old Testament where shame is attributed to those who do evil things or are living contrary to God's will. A little shame or guilt leads to conviction and useful to the Lord. Conversely, a lot of shame causes condemnation--something God doesn't desire for those who serve him (Romans 8:1).

Just like so many things, the enemy perverts those 'healthy doses' of shame to make us lose focus on what and Who is truly important. The enemy's goal is to use condemning shame as an isolating emotion that moves us further away from God; whereas conviction and guilt are tools to turn us towards the Lord. Shame causes us to hide. It causes us to doubt all the good that God has made us to be. Condemning shame causes us to forget that God called his Creation (yes, that includes us) "good" or the fact that we are "fearfully and wonderfully made" (Psalm 139:13) even in our messiness.

When we get caught up in shame then we become egocentric and forget that this life is truly not all about us. It tends to feel like we have this all-powerful God wagging his lofty finger at us, making us cower into ourselves. However, that is not God's plan. He has a plan to 'prosper us and to give us a hope and a future' (Jeremiah 29:11). That is the devil's plan. Satan wants to convince you and I that God couldn't care about us in all of our mess. While that may be how man would treat us, it's not how God treats us. Time and time again he assures us that he will never leave or forsake us, that we are forgiven and that he is a God who grants us immeasurable amounts of grace and mercy. So no matter what addiction you are harboring or bad behavior you can't seem to stop, when you keep making an effort to break through those messy points and not get stuck in the muck and mire of your shame, God will honor that. The enemy wants us stuck. However, God's desire is for us to get the victory over those areas of our lives. The enemy desires for us to keep those secret things hidden and in the dark. God desires for exposure and light to remove the stronghold that these things have on our lives.

So what comes to mind when you are reading these words? What part of your life have you been ashamed of or hiding? What habit or relationship or tendency have you cloaked in darkness? Today is a great new opportunity to bring it to light. While everyone doesn't need to know your dirt, there's value to finding even one trustworthy person who can help you stand in prayer and move out of darkness and into light. Today's the perfect chance to make that change and remove the stress of humiliation and distress caused by our behaviors.

Be encouraged,
Pastor Andrea

DAY 34: Fight Fire With Fire

Have you ever felt like things are falling down all around you and like your efforts to help seem to have little affect? Perhaps you feel like you've been in a season where life is simply one fire after the next and you're exhausted in trying to put them out at every turn. The fatigue has brought on plain old discouragement and made you want to turn in the towel. It's those times when you look up and wonder "why bother?" The fires of your life have been ignited and you don't know where to begin. You wonder if it's worth it to even put the effort in. It gets easy to allow discouragement to take over and be the winner of those internal arguments you have with yourself--stealing away all of your confidence and enthusiasm for the fight. However, it's time for a new winner to step up to the plate--PERSEVERANCE.

Discouragement tell us to sit back and watch life go by. Perseverance says sitting idle is no longer an option. Discouragement says we don't care (or at least are pretending to). Perseverance says we care enough to put our best foot forward. Discouragement says sit this one out. Perseverance says get in the game. It's a battle of our will and our flesh at times versus what we know to be good and what we know to be the best. Discouragement tends to be the easy way out that challenges us slightly and pays off little while perseverance has the better payoff for the higher challenge. The very definition of perseverance says it all:  persistence in doing something despite difficulty or delay in achieving success and withstanding discouragement.

It's not easy to set aside what is easy for what may be hard and not provide instant gratification. It's not comfortable to actually fight hard for what you believe in and what you want out of life. But it is the essence of our faith when we are willing to trust in what may be delayed. It is the essence of sacrifice when we do something despite difficulty. And today, God is reminding us that, in lieu of great discouragement, there is great JOY in choosing to actively participate in life and trials and tribulations and weather the delays and difficulties. At our moments of greatest discouragement, we have to choose to fight fire with the fire of the Word of God that reminds us to "Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!" (Psalm 27:14) Allow the slow burn of verses like James 1 bring us courage when they tell us that testing and trials are exactly what produce perseverance and that it's perseverance that does the work in us to make sure that we are "lacking nothing". You may feel as though you've given all that you can and that you have not more strength to continue on. It can feel as though life has taken so much away and that the tests and the trials have been too costly. But be encouraged that what they have taken does not compare to what God will restore. He is promising to complete his work in you. He is assuring us of his commitment to this very thing. I don't know about you, but when it's all said and done in this life, I want to leave lacking nothing.

Where have you been the most discouraged in your heart and in your spirit? What are you hesitating to do? What are you feeling God say that you have been cautious about getting in the fight? Where have you allowed fear and mistrust to zap you of your energy to fight? Today can be the day that you regain that energy to persevere and fight. It's a simple decision to "count it all joy" and let those trials and testings finish their good work in you. Though it may not be comfortable and may not feel good, today is the day that you can jump in with both feet so as not to miss a thing. It is my prayer that discouragement has no place in the decisions you make for your life and that perseverance does it's great work in your life so that you too will end lacking nothing.

Be encouraged,
Pastor Andrea

DAY 29: Ending the Search for Significance

Over the last few years, I've watched both afar and up close as people have searched for SIGNIFICANCE. It's so very easy to get to the place where you feel as though your life or you specifically are the essence of being "too small or unimportant to be worth consideration; meaningless". Perhaps you feel as though your contribution on your job is meaningless. Or maybe you constantly feel like the people around you see you as unimportant. But I was reading in Colossians today and was really encouraged by a single phrase. Now, I have to warn you up front that I am completely taking this out of context here, but I could not resist. Chapter 2, verse 18 begins by saying, "Let no one disqualify you..." Another translation says, "Let no man rob you of your prize..."

I thought about it for a while and realized so many of us disqualify ourselves before anyone else even has a chance. While we anticipate being rendered as insignificant in someone else's eyes, we must first ask ourselves if we are significant in our own. Just like beauty, significance is in the eye of the beholder. Though there are times functionally that you may have less work-related significance; no profession or social interaction can ever have the power to define who you are. I Peter 2:9 reminds us that in the Kingdom economy of significance, we are a part of a "chosen generation" and "royal". As children of the King of Kings, we are to find our significance in that and not in the day-to-day workings of our lives.

True, that is easier said than done. When someone is facing you with a look of disdain or when you don't feel heard or trusted or valued, it is difficult to remember that your search for significance should lead you to the cross. Your search for significance should remind you that God even made something as small as a mustard seed be a symbol for faith. If a mustard seed has relevance and significance in this life, then how much more do we? When we measure our value and our worth, are we seeing the people whose lives are affected because we prayed for them or because we smiled at them when they thought no one cared? Are we thinking of the times when God has used a person or His Word to speak directly to us in answer to prayer--making us significant enough to warrant a response? Are we considering times when we have prayed or spent time with the Lord and simply felt the amazing warmth of the Spirit of the Lord comfort of his presence make us feel special and cared for?

Maybe that's the problem. Perhaps you've never had an encounter with God that gave you that comfort or that gave you that reminder. Today, my prayer is that each of you reading these Prayer Points will have such an encounter with God. I pray that your significance will be wrapped up in His presence and delivered with a bow. I pray that in the coming days, you will experience God in new, reviving ways that end your search for significance in the right spot--Him.

Be encouraged,
Pastor Andrea

DAY 28: You WILL Find Rest

There's an American couple who have been walking through an adoption process with a young boy in Uganda. They are woodworkers in California who have sold much of what they can and put somewhat of a pause on their lives to go to Uganda to finish out the process of getting their son healthy and adopted in person. It's a rather sweet story of God using their journey in the process to minister to couples near and far and to individuals around the world. They have an Instagram account and a blog (http://graceandsalt.net/) and all the other modern social media accouterments that help communicate to the world the ups and downs of what God is doing. If you're following one of those lines of communication as I am, you get to see some of the victories and some of the challenges. The past couple of days, their posts have reflected a consistent message, "we are tired." Their mission has taken its toll--emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Their transparency in those moments is real; and, as a fellow missionary, I feel their pain. As I read their post with my own droopy eyes earlier today, I could understand a part of what they were trying to communicate--being tired, fatigued...WEARY.

As a pastor and counselor, missionary and person, this is a thing that I have seen so very often over the years. There are times when I must walk alongside of others in the Lord where they feel as though they have hit their limit and are burning out. And sometimes it's not them but me who has gotten to a point where I feel like my reserves are negative empty. I have been at the point in my life where even vacations just do enough to fill me up to that empty line and there's more that must be dealt with. It's that point that you reach where sleep is not the issue. I remember reading a definition of symptoms given by the Mayo Clinic about chronic fatigue that said it's a "nearly constant state of weariness that develops over time and diminishes your energy and mental capacity...impacts your emotional and psychological well-being, too." I had looked it up when I was in one of those places of burnout and it helped me to put how I was feeling in physiological terms. 

And while some of fatigue is about the body and what we do to take care of ourselves (or not take care of ourselves), there is a large part that is about the routines and emotional/spiritual support (or lack thereof) that simply drain us and make matters worse. So you cannot look at fatigue and weariness in a vacuum of medical intervention and expect everything to be okay. In my own journey through weariness, I had to turn to my other Resource (a.k.a. the Bible) for solutions and understanding as well. In the process I found two of my life verses, Galatians 6:9 and Matthew 11:28-29. First we're told, "Let us not grow weary in doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we FAINT NOT." and then you have the words of Jesus compelling us to "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I WILL GIVE YOU REST. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls."

You see, God supports us on both sides. He wants you to be proactive and do things to keep focused on Him--persevering and pressing towards what He's called you to do--but with wisdom and understanding of how to take care of yourself so that you can continue on without fainting. He's an advocate for taking care of yourself. But then he also says that if you've reached the point where you feel you are fainting, he's got your back. He assured us that if we come to him during these points of weariness we will find rest for our souls...not may or could, but he's made a promise of what he wants to do for you. No matter what you are facin--be it adoption in Uganda or war in Syria or stress in Minnesota--God wants to help you find soulful rest and to bring forth the harvest for all that you've sown. When I read the "graceandsalt" post, my immediate thought was to encourage them (and you) that "due season" is on it's way.

Today, I want challenge you to proactively have a plan for personal care. Take care of yourself physically. Get sleep. Eat well. Take breaks. Talk to friends. But, at the end of the day, don't forget to take care of yourself spiritually. Don't forget to check in with the Lord. Don't foget to keep your eyes on Him as he is the ultimate smelling salt and can keep you from fainting. He wants to be a part of your personal treatment plan too. When you feel like you don't have time to pause, meditate, seek him...that's the time when you need to dig in the most. Never lose site of that because that is where you will find fulfillment to the promise for rest.

Be encouraged,
Pastor Andrea

DAY 27: Could You Have Done Better?

There are some people you encounter who make you feel as though there is nothing you could do right in their eyes. Some of you had parents or teachers like that. Some of you have bosses or mates like that. Some of you are like that. Every chance you get you point out the flaws in yourself or in others. It's become second nature. You may not even realize that you're doing it. In fact, it's easy to lose sight of how many times you pass a mirror and frown or how many times your focus has been drawn to what you could've done better instead of celebrating what you've done. It's enough to wear you down.

I was realizing recently that that CRITICAL SPIRIT takes a lot out of us. As I sat in a meeting the other day I realized I was being so critical; and those criticisms were not directed outward but instead were all about the conversation in my head. I managed to take everything that was being said as a personal indictment. I knew that I had fallen prey yet again to the tactics of the enemy to get me picking myself apart so he wouldn't have to. Every "we need to" from the other meeting participants translated through my critical filter sounded more like "you should have". At the end of the meeting, my heart was wounded all because of my own critique (and no one else's). I couldn't even blame it on the devil! I brought so much negativity my way that I made satan's work easy.

We struggle with those moments where we need to strike a delicate balance between finding points for improvement in our lives and being content with what God has done. I'm not suggesting that we can't set high standards for ourselves and others or be constructive in our feedback. However, we must always examine the motivation behind those standards and feedback. Do we feel like we have something to prove or are we genuinely seeking God's best for a given situation? When we point out the flaws in another, are we acting as 'iron sharpening iron' or are we nit-picking because they didn't do it the way we would have done it? Are we being hypocritical in wanting grace and mercy from others when we either don't give it to them and/or don't give it to ourselves? 

If you say more negative than positive about yourself and others, then what are you saying about God and His Creation? As the Author and Finisher of your life who does "all things well" (Isaiah 45:7) and who "fearfully" and "wonderfully" made you (Psalm 139:14), are you suggesting that He missed a step or failed? Can you presume to say better than He how you should have been made? Could you have done better? Certainly not. But every time that we utter negativity about ourselves/others, we presume just that and grieve the Lord. 

He holds us to high standards and expects us to live circumspectly before him, but he also gives us far more grace and mercy than we seem to be able to give ourselves. Though we know that criticism will come no matter what you do in life, what's important to remember is that we don't need to be the ones to deliver it...not even to ourselves. 

Today, I want to challenge you to do something you've probably not done in a while--look in the mirror and tell yourself three good things about yourself without any side notes about the opportunities for improvement...and/or, at the end of your day, write down three things that you accomplished without commentary about what still needs to be done or what could have been done better. Celebrate in this day. Rejoice in this day. Give God glory for THIS day and allow your soul to truly rest in the fact that you are a part of His marvelous works!

Blessings,

Pastor Andrea

DAY 26: The Way Out of Trapped

There is no greater prison than the one in your mind. I know prison is a harsh term, but it's easy to feel like there's no possibility of moving beyond what you think in your mind. If you believe that you are inadequate, then you live as though you are. If you see yourself as unworthy, then you live as though you are. And this is not simply idle chatter. Proverbs tell us that "as a man thinks so he is." There is such great power in our thoughts and our own expectations. We allow ourselves to be defined by whatever rules about life that we've placed in our minds--you must be X, Y, or Z to be able to succeed--and we maintain the idea that "I'll never quite get to it." Our minds have created this rabbit hole that we fall down early in life and struggle to get out of throughout the years. Put simply: You. Feel. Trapped. 

You keep waiting for someone to rescue you. You keep waiting for a way out. You keep waiting for someone to believe in you, your ideas, your vision...perhaps that someone should be you. While validation is good, it's not the center of how we become able to break past the limitations of our mind prisons. When Christ came, he gave us the ultimate gift of freedom. That freedom was from sin, from negativity, from all things that hold us back from becoming all that we are called to be. "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." (Galatians 5:1) While it may seem difficult, it is not complicated. Your success hinges on your deciding to see yourself differently. The way out of feeling trapped is in the decision to not be.

Today, I want to challenge you to give yourself the awesome/freeing gift of grace and belief. You've been believing your own negative press. You've been trying to move forward but not quite sure what has held you back. Today I challenge you to see yourself as the captor and allow yourself to set your free. For in Christ there truly is LIBERTY...walk in that today.

Be encouraged,
Pastor Andrea

DAY 24: Emptied Out

There's this old gospel hymn that CeCe Winans did a version of on one of her CDs some years ago. She didn't actually remake the entire song, but just did a portion as an opening to the CD...

Fill my cup, Lord. I lift it up, Lord. Come and quench...this thirsting in my soul. Bread from Heaven, Fill me 'til I want no more...Fill my cup. Fill it up. And make me whole...

It's one of my favorites and I've found myself at times when I've come to my wit's end and feeling completely emptied out singing those very words as she did.  While there is a spiritual value in being "emptied out" of ourselves and emptied out of our sin and emptied out of our mess, being emptied of the good stuff too can be more than a bit overwhelming. So, in moments when I don't know what else to think or do, when I've gone a bit numb to my feelings, when I've given all that I can give, or simply can't put a word to what I feel except "fine", I remember her plea. Fill my cup, Lord. I lift it up, Lord. Truthfully, there are times when I feel like I don't even have the energy to lift up my cup. It's empty and I'm empty and the only thing I can think to do is sing.

It may seem silly to some, but I dare you to say the words or maybe even sing them if you're feeling empty. Or if you can't do it, go download the song and let her sing it to you. Listen carefully to the words of offering that she gives to the Lord. Let your faith be built by hearing the words she uses in hers. Close your eyes and imagine a you-shaped cup being filled by the overflow of the Holy Spirit. Let your imagination and your hopes give way to renewal and spiritual filling where physical filling may still be needed. Reset your mind to know that it is truly possible for God to make it so that your cup overflows (Psalm 23:5).

I'm a witness that He can do it.

Be encouraged,
Pastor Andrea

DAY 23: Thought I Was Good...Until I Wasn't...

I was wondering what I would write about today. Today was a good day. I felt like I handled things fine and that no new negative issues came out of me. I also didn't interact with someone where I saw something negative glaring out at me. Like I said, it was a good day. So I sat down to pray about it and got distracted by instagram. Yes...I allowed the allure of the "you've got mail/notifications" draw my attention. As I ran through some of photos of the day, I stopped at one of a lady in her wedding dress and thought to myself how I could never afford such a beautiful, extravagant dress or gorgeous photographs but wishing deeply that I could. In that small moment of nothingingness the word ENVY crossed my heart.

Wow! How quickly had I gone from feeling like I was doing good to realizing that, even in my "goodness", I was still not alright. Now, don't get me wrong, this is not about condemnation. I fully understand what it says in Romans 8 that there is no condemnation to those who are in Christ. Finding the roots of negative feelings/emotions/behaviors in my and others' lives is not about pointing fingers or chastising any of us. But what I believe is that words and thoughts have power. So like what happened today, it would have been so easy for me to get fully distracted by that longing for what I feel like I couldn't/don't have (as per the definition of envy). We must remember that what distracts us can also be what delays us. What distracts us can be the thing that holds us back from truly accomplishing what God wants for us because we are so focused on idolizing the accomplishments and blessings of others.

In fact, the Bible says that envy is one of the "evil things" that "defile a person" (Mark 7:22-23) and that "envy makes bones rot" (Proverbs 14:30). This is not simply about being jealous and hating on someone else and thinking that you deserve what they have more, but instead coveting what they have and putting your soul in danger of a fate that doesn't seem to appealing to most. I don't know about you, but the thought of being defiled or rotten is simply not a good thing to me. So, when I take a moment to acknowledge these moments of envy, then I can stop it in its tracks. Saying "don't envy" is not saying "don't dream". Instead it's saying that you keep your dreams flowing in the right direction. When envy shows itself, I can commit that desire of my heart to the Lord and hope that my desire lines up with God's. I can ask God to change my heart towards the things that make his heart beat. Most importantly, I can redirect my distracted focus back where it should be--on the Father.

You likely aren't envious of a silly fluffy white dress or the eye of a good photographer capturing "your good side" as I. You may desire more money, a thinner body, a buffer body, a different professional opportunity, a different social opportunity...no matter what your thing is, know that I'm praying with and for you that God would take full control of your focus and full control of your dreams on this day.

Be encouraged,
Pastor Andrea

DAY 22: No Shrinking Back

"You don't have to be scared."

It was a simple sentence in the midst of an internet chat with a friend said the other day. Fear? What fear?! I didn't realize that I was acting scared. I wanted to scream out "I ain't neva skurred!" uhhh...Yeah right. I think that over the years I have gotten so used to wanting to be a competent, independent person that can't be phased that I lost sight that sometimes emotions like fear subversively interfere with my life without my even knowing it. I have spent so much time living out my faith that fear has not has as much space to creep in...or so I thought. Because I was living out loud in some of the more noticeable parts of my life, it was easy to forget pieces of myself that I have conveniently compartmentalized into the box in my heart marked "fragile" and tried to forget even exist. They are the parts that make me appear less brave and less courageous. They are the parts that continually keep me on my knees in the face of my humanity. Where I would love to be this fearless super woman or lionhearted warrior knight, I have to admit that there are definitely human-sized chinks in my armor.

I had/have a decision to make and there's a part of me that has been holding back. There's a part of me that has hesitated and I hadn't previously recognized my reluctance as the beginnings of fear. In one simple sentence, my friend was able to simply call a spade a spade. So today as I prayed and thought about life and me and God, I was glad that fear had been called out. Hidden, it was working against my progress. Hidden, it was hindering clear thinking. Hidden, it was bringing fatigue where there needn't be any. Revealed, I can pray specifically against it. Revealed, the fear loses power. Revealed, I am allowed to be nervous while still being bold as a lion.

I know that I'm not alone. What I want to encourage you in today is to call a spade a spade. Recognize the fear chink in your armor then repair it with the only tool that can fill the hole--your faith. Where you've been hesitating, confused and fatigued, you need to speak to your fears (no matter how big or small they may be) and say 'But I am not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who have faith and preserve their souls.' (Heb 10:39). Then after speaking to your fears, speak to yourself and remind yourself that 'if you seek the Lord, he will answer you and deliver you from ALL of your fears' (Ps 34:4) even the ones in the compartment marked "handle with care". So, today is the day that I tell you that you will not hesitate. Today is the day that you will gain clarity. Today is the day that YOU WILL NOT SHRINK back as you choose faith.

Blessings,
Pastor Andrea

DAY 21: Wipe Clean

This afternoon, I was doing a devotional for a group of people and as I went to close, the Lord had me ask them to close their eyes and picture writing the name of the person they were having the most difficulty with on a board. Then before we prayed I asked them to wipe the board clean. I could tell that despite what I had said about there not being division among God's people (1 Corinthians 1:10) or about forgetting what was past and pressing towards the future (Philippians 3:13-14) there was still something that hadn't quite shaken loose. As I went back to my office I had the vision of some of them picturing themselves.

At times it is easy to discuss forgiveness when the object of our dissatisfaction lies outside of ourselves. It is often easy to point to another person and clearly define their flaws and ways that they could improve. However, what happens when the dissatisfaction lies within yourself? Today, I want to remind you that the same rules apply to you as to other people. Jesus said that we are to forgive someone "seven times seventy" times (Matthew 18:22)--you included.

No matter what you have done in your past. No matter what you have said in your present. No matter what may come in your future. You. Are. Worth. It. There is nothing too big and nothing too crazy that the Lord doesn't forgive you. Why, then, have you decided to hold onto what He has forgotten? The consequences to your actions may not be gone, but the act of forgiveness is not about absolving anyone of consequences to bad behavior. Instead forgiveness is a heart issue. It's an issue of LOVE. The Bible tells us that real love "keeps no record of wrongs" (1 Corinthians 13:5, NIV). As we hold onto unforgiveness, we hold ourselves in bondage and refuse ourselves the ultimate gift of love. If you don't show love to yourself, how can you expect love to flow freely from others? Demonstrate the love you seek by being that love...even to yourself.

Being able to forgive yourself today is about opening the doors and the windows to your life and letting fresh winds of the Holy Spirit flow through. It allows the Lord to reveal himself in newer ways. It allows the Lord to get through to you clearly instead of through the static of your own reduced self-worth and esteem. Forgiving yourself frees you up and releases you from the leech of bondage that unselfishly drains you of life instead of filling you with peace.

I don't know what issues are outstanding in your heart, but as you read this post, I pray that the Lord put some specific things on your mind to help you identify places of unforgiveness in your heart. While I also want to encourage you to forgive others, I admonish you today to take the first step and clean your personal record sheet before moving on to the records of others.

Blessings,
Pastor Andrea

DAY 20: Over 200 Spots of Joy

There are over 200 references to the word "joy" (or a version thereof) in the ESV translation of the Bible. That means that in the midst of talking about prison, famine, sacrifice, humility, anger, salvation, trials, tribulations, persecution, and so much more, God inserts moments of JOY. So that's what I felt led to do today. In the mid-point of this devotional season devoted to rooting through our negative "stuff", God is inserting a moment of joy. It's my prayer that today you capture those moments, hold them tight and forward them along to someone else who is in need of your bright spot.

Blessings of Joy,
Pastor Andrea

DAY 19: Again I Say...Don't Worry...

As I got ready for church this morning, I was reminded of our dress code that urges for women to wear closed-toed shoes when in formal and/or church settings. As I dressed,I felt this little tug of something as if to say "don't wear them today". When I arrived at the site of the church, I was amazed as they shuffled me up the stairs to a half-built building where seats were reserved at the front and a puddle lined the front of this open air room.

The normal church building was under at least a foot of rain water--flooded after two days of rain in here in Madagascar. The people had relocated with high praises going on from the second floor of the building just in front of it that they are currently building for a new sanctuary. The word God gave me for them in that moment is the word I pass along to you right now...DON'T WORRY. Worry is a useless emotion/behavior. In fact, I appreciate a quote I read that said that "worry is a misuse of imagination".

But we have a God on our side whose imagination is supreme. He is the ultimate Creator and he doesn't miss a beat. The Lord that we serve is detail-oriented. He has every detail of our lives in his sight. That means from the top of our heads to the soles of our feet, he is interested in all that we do...so much so that what I now know was the Holy Spirit would nudge me to do something as simple as not wear a certain type of shoes.

As I read the words of Matthew 6 to this congregation, I was amazed that God would say these words to people who, from the outside looking in, seemed to have plenty to worry about. The church and the house that shares its courtyard it was knee-deep in water like so many homes in the city. There are people around the world still mourning the loss of the Malaysian airline one year ago. There are people in Sierra Leone and Guinea sick and dying with Ebola. There are nations and people around the world at war. Yet, in the midst of it all--come hell or high waters...literally--God says "don't worry". If he tells those in the midst of spaces like this not to worry, then how much more would he expect those of us with concerns of what shoes to wear or what job to take or what people to befriend to walk boldly in TRUST and faith. This is not to devalue what you're going through as much as to encourage you that you can trust in this powerful God who would do as little as make sure my shoes were right for the times I was preaching in. Just like the scripture says, "how much more would he do you, oh you of little faith?"

Selah.

Blessings,
Pastor Andrea