DAY 40: Last Call...Loneliness

The room grew still as the pitter patter of applause cut through the dark silence. The pastor had just said my name and all eyes turned to find me on the front row of the 1,200-seat sanctuary. It was the early morning service which boasted a smaller/more intimate crowd than the other two that would follow throughout the day, but I knew that this moment was simply a precursor to the exact same ritual that would come during the announcement period at each of the subsequent services. So I followed through with the obligatory stand, wave and smile as he shared the wonderful news of my first book signing in between services in the lobby and encouraged the congregation’s support of my work. It was truly a unique and memorable way for me to spend Valentine’s Day.

As the applause died down and the focus went on to the next announcement, I took my seat and felt a profound emptiness overtake me. Hundreds of people surrounded me and yet I suddenly could feel nothing but sadness as I realized that I was celebrating this great accomplishment alone. I had friends coming throughout the day to assist with my book sales and church family who were excited and supportive, but that was not the point. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but the feeling lingered as I tried to just be happy about the day and the moment but struggled instead with feelings of extreme loneliness. Here I was, surrounded by people, and I had never felt so alone. Overwhelmed, I excused myself to the lady’s room thinking “Congratulations to me…” and cried. 

The idea of being alone in a crowd began to follow me the next couple of years.

And so goes the start to the book on LONELINESS that I've been writing for a couple of years now. Every time that I get started, I stop short of moving completely forward. Like most of the sermons I preach and words that I've written in the past, the words on the page come from the heart of my experiences and that is not always a comfortable place to share from. It's not easy to broadcast that life is not always what we would hope it to be.

But that's how we overcome and keep moving, right? The last 39 days have been all about walking through some of the negative emotions that have tripped me up, and it definitely hasn't been easy. The enemy would take the difficulty of testifying and use it to make us feel isolated--unseen, unheard, and un-cared for. However, in the end, I know that the more we share our testimonies of faith, the more we overcome. The more that we live transparently, the more we can hope that God receives the glory. This season of Lent has been a season of purging and processing--preparing me for the work of the Lord more and more. Tonight, I was reminded of Hebrews 12:1 that says that we are 'surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses' so we should 'throw off everything that hinders us and so easily entangles us and run our race with perseverance'. We are not alone in the spirit, we are surrounded.

I recognize that that lonely feeling is not about who is around you. It's not about your level of accomplishment. It's not about being single or married. It's about feeling full or empty, feeling valued or lost. You need to know (and remind yourself) that, though your heart feel the emptiness of loneliness at times, you are not alone. Remember that you are surrounded by a "great cloud" and that, even though you may be feeling alone in a crowd, you are not. You're not the only one who is contrary, doubting, angry, apathetic and more with a splash of joy thrown in for good measure. WE are in this together. But, even greater than that, God's got your back. When no earthly "company" feels like enough, he's there guiding, pushing and carrying you through your race. In all, I hope that it is that fact that will somehow resonate with you and help you keep running just one more step.

Though you may feel it at times...you may feel the hollowness of isolation, know that God has a "cloud of witnesses" standing with you at all times as you shake off all that may hinder you so you can continue with perseverance.

Be encouraged,
Pastor Andrea

Where There's A Will...

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13

Over the years, I have been fortunate enough to go down some challenging routes of faith for God. My decision to follow Him was not predicated upon conditions of where/how I would be willing to go or not. I didn't say "I'll go if..." I've trusted Him (even when scared) as opportunities to do somewhat unrealistic things with my life or to venture to somewhat dangerous areas, during somewhat dangerous times. However, I am often surprised by the fact that the loudest voices of fear that I hear come from Christians. Their excitement for what God is doing in/through me is often tempered by love and words of caution. As a human being, it makes me smile and feel cared for, but as I listened to the last of these "lectures of love" most recently from a relative, I couldn't help but feel a little sad as well.

You see, there are some verses of scripture that just about every Christian can recite (even if they don't know where it's found in the Bible). Philippians 4:13 is one of those verses. But I often find myself wondering if we really believe what we recite. Do we believe that small three letter word that defines what we are capable of...A-L-L? When David faced Goliath with stones, He didn't cower in fear but conquered in courage (I Sam 17). When Abraham was told to leave all he knew to be precious and "go", he didn't didn't rest on a "woe is me" song but instead started singin' "On the road again..." (Gen 12). When Esther was asked to stand against all odds before a king in the face of death, through her own fear/hesitation, she rose to the challenge "for such a time as this" (Esther 4). And when Christ himself faced the cross, he did so saying "not my will by Thy Will be done" (Luke 22:42).

From Genesis to Revelations, we have that "great crowd of witnesses" that the Bible talks about (Heb 12:1) who testify to how God can both grant supernatural victories in the face of defeat and bless you beyond your wildest dreams while doing it. The key to being able to really live that Scripture out is simply to do it. There is no magic solution. This week alone, there have been forces coming against you to stop you from doing things (big and small) that line up with God's Will for your life. And time and time again, you've allowed the small voices of fear and doubt to overrule the "still small voice" of God unctioning you further in Him. God wants to help you do the impossible. He wants you to take your eyes off the greatness of the end result and just do what He told you to do. Take that leap of faith to find what you need waiting for you at the top of your jump. What's waiting are the fruit of His promises and the relief of your destiny. Be encouraged this week to plow forward into ALL THINGS with abandon that shows you truly believe that you can do it all through Him.

Blessings,
PastorA