DAY 40: Last Call...Loneliness

The room grew still as the pitter patter of applause cut through the dark silence. The pastor had just said my name and all eyes turned to find me on the front row of the 1,200-seat sanctuary. It was the early morning service which boasted a smaller/more intimate crowd than the other two that would follow throughout the day, but I knew that this moment was simply a precursor to the exact same ritual that would come during the announcement period at each of the subsequent services. So I followed through with the obligatory stand, wave and smile as he shared the wonderful news of my first book signing in between services in the lobby and encouraged the congregation’s support of my work. It was truly a unique and memorable way for me to spend Valentine’s Day.

As the applause died down and the focus went on to the next announcement, I took my seat and felt a profound emptiness overtake me. Hundreds of people surrounded me and yet I suddenly could feel nothing but sadness as I realized that I was celebrating this great accomplishment alone. I had friends coming throughout the day to assist with my book sales and church family who were excited and supportive, but that was not the point. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but the feeling lingered as I tried to just be happy about the day and the moment but struggled instead with feelings of extreme loneliness. Here I was, surrounded by people, and I had never felt so alone. Overwhelmed, I excused myself to the lady’s room thinking “Congratulations to me…” and cried. 

The idea of being alone in a crowd began to follow me the next couple of years.

And so goes the start to the book on LONELINESS that I've been writing for a couple of years now. Every time that I get started, I stop short of moving completely forward. Like most of the sermons I preach and words that I've written in the past, the words on the page come from the heart of my experiences and that is not always a comfortable place to share from. It's not easy to broadcast that life is not always what we would hope it to be.

But that's how we overcome and keep moving, right? The last 39 days have been all about walking through some of the negative emotions that have tripped me up, and it definitely hasn't been easy. The enemy would take the difficulty of testifying and use it to make us feel isolated--unseen, unheard, and un-cared for. However, in the end, I know that the more we share our testimonies of faith, the more we overcome. The more that we live transparently, the more we can hope that God receives the glory. This season of Lent has been a season of purging and processing--preparing me for the work of the Lord more and more. Tonight, I was reminded of Hebrews 12:1 that says that we are 'surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses' so we should 'throw off everything that hinders us and so easily entangles us and run our race with perseverance'. We are not alone in the spirit, we are surrounded.

I recognize that that lonely feeling is not about who is around you. It's not about your level of accomplishment. It's not about being single or married. It's about feeling full or empty, feeling valued or lost. You need to know (and remind yourself) that, though your heart feel the emptiness of loneliness at times, you are not alone. Remember that you are surrounded by a "great cloud" and that, even though you may be feeling alone in a crowd, you are not. You're not the only one who is contrary, doubting, angry, apathetic and more with a splash of joy thrown in for good measure. WE are in this together. But, even greater than that, God's got your back. When no earthly "company" feels like enough, he's there guiding, pushing and carrying you through your race. In all, I hope that it is that fact that will somehow resonate with you and help you keep running just one more step.

Though you may feel it at times...you may feel the hollowness of isolation, know that God has a "cloud of witnesses" standing with you at all times as you shake off all that may hinder you so you can continue with perseverance.

Be encouraged,
Pastor Andrea

DAY 34: Fight Fire With Fire

Have you ever felt like things are falling down all around you and like your efforts to help seem to have little affect? Perhaps you feel like you've been in a season where life is simply one fire after the next and you're exhausted in trying to put them out at every turn. The fatigue has brought on plain old discouragement and made you want to turn in the towel. It's those times when you look up and wonder "why bother?" The fires of your life have been ignited and you don't know where to begin. You wonder if it's worth it to even put the effort in. It gets easy to allow discouragement to take over and be the winner of those internal arguments you have with yourself--stealing away all of your confidence and enthusiasm for the fight. However, it's time for a new winner to step up to the plate--PERSEVERANCE.

Discouragement tell us to sit back and watch life go by. Perseverance says sitting idle is no longer an option. Discouragement says we don't care (or at least are pretending to). Perseverance says we care enough to put our best foot forward. Discouragement says sit this one out. Perseverance says get in the game. It's a battle of our will and our flesh at times versus what we know to be good and what we know to be the best. Discouragement tends to be the easy way out that challenges us slightly and pays off little while perseverance has the better payoff for the higher challenge. The very definition of perseverance says it all:  persistence in doing something despite difficulty or delay in achieving success and withstanding discouragement.

It's not easy to set aside what is easy for what may be hard and not provide instant gratification. It's not comfortable to actually fight hard for what you believe in and what you want out of life. But it is the essence of our faith when we are willing to trust in what may be delayed. It is the essence of sacrifice when we do something despite difficulty. And today, God is reminding us that, in lieu of great discouragement, there is great JOY in choosing to actively participate in life and trials and tribulations and weather the delays and difficulties. At our moments of greatest discouragement, we have to choose to fight fire with the fire of the Word of God that reminds us to "Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!" (Psalm 27:14) Allow the slow burn of verses like James 1 bring us courage when they tell us that testing and trials are exactly what produce perseverance and that it's perseverance that does the work in us to make sure that we are "lacking nothing". You may feel as though you've given all that you can and that you have not more strength to continue on. It can feel as though life has taken so much away and that the tests and the trials have been too costly. But be encouraged that what they have taken does not compare to what God will restore. He is promising to complete his work in you. He is assuring us of his commitment to this very thing. I don't know about you, but when it's all said and done in this life, I want to leave lacking nothing.

Where have you been the most discouraged in your heart and in your spirit? What are you hesitating to do? What are you feeling God say that you have been cautious about getting in the fight? Where have you allowed fear and mistrust to zap you of your energy to fight? Today can be the day that you regain that energy to persevere and fight. It's a simple decision to "count it all joy" and let those trials and testings finish their good work in you. Though it may not be comfortable and may not feel good, today is the day that you can jump in with both feet so as not to miss a thing. It is my prayer that discouragement has no place in the decisions you make for your life and that perseverance does it's great work in your life so that you too will end lacking nothing.

Be encouraged,
Pastor Andrea