DAY 25: Can't Slay Dragons You Avoid

I slayed a dragon just now.

I know that sounds odd, but it's how I feel. Beyond procrastination and beyond fear was a big ugly dragon called AVOIDANCE. Procrastination is about delaying and putting something off where avoidance tries to prevent it completely. So what I've learned over the years is that I have a bad habit of avoiding things that I don't want to deal with. (It's probably just me. The rest of you face things head on, I know, but bear with me because I'm a work in progress.) Particularly, those things I don't understand...well...it's better left off my radar (not even at the bottom of the "To-Do" list) than where I have to constantly be reminded that there's something or someone I'm avoiding dealing with and that someone is God.

I probably shouldn't admit that. I mean, I'm a minister, a pastor, a prophet of God...and I'm struggling to pray to the Lord?! I call myself a Christian (and truly am). I love God. I get excited about God. I talk about God and encourage people in God. I read about God and listen to God. What kind of sense does that make? None. However, sensible or not, there's been a couple of things (a.k.a. dragons) that I honestly have shut down the lines of communication with Him on. Or at least I had.

But this evening, I faced one of those dragons. This evening, I decided that I would stop not praying about some questions I have. Not praying got me no closer to answers but that has a good and bad side. If you pray...if you ask questions with authenticity and truth then you must be willing and ready to hear answers. And THAT is where my avoidance was birthed. I haven't been afraid really that God would say no about some things. In fact, I think I have gotten used to a "no" or "not now" in some areas of my life. So what happens when in your spirit you feel a shifting and you have a feeling that the answer may actually be "yes"? What's a girl to do!?

Well this girl did the first unhealthy, negative thing I could think to do--took it off the radar and avoided. I checked emails, talked to people, surfed the social sites, made phone calls, wrote blogs...and didn't do the written prayer in my journal that I knew the Lord was calling for specific to this one issue. What's worse, I didn't even know I was doing it until I looked up and realized that I had been eating it up. Instead of facing the Lord, I was facing a plate or a snack. After such great progress in my journey towards health, I began putting that on the line again all in the name of avoidance.

And yes, fear is tied up in this thing. Truly my fear of failure has risen to the top on multiple occasions but what scares me more (and what was at play here) is about that fear of success. Success and yeses mean expectations and responsibilities. Somewhere along the way, I had managed to convince myself that I could not handle either. Somewhere along the way, I'd allowed the enemy to whisper that LIE into my spirit and it stuck...well until today. Today, I faced that dragon. Today, I looked it squarely in the face (after I ate the last snack bar of course) and said DIE because "Greater is He that is in my than he that is in the world." (1 John 4:4) Today I decided to heed the scripture that says to "walk in the Spirit, and don't gratify the desires of the flesh" (Galatians 5:16). Though that verse truly speaks about sin, I think it's applicable to walk in the spirit and not give in to the desire of my flesh to avoid God.

If what I've written here sounds familiar to you too, then bravo in advance for facing and slaying your dragons. You can't slay them though if you avoid them. And if this is not you...well then pray for us. Either way and most importantly...be encouraged to face GOD head on with boldness or with hesitation. He can take it.

Blessings,
Pastor Andrea

DAY 11: that "m'eh" feeling

If someone asked me how I was feeling right at this moment, I would say "m'eh". I'm neither down nor up, neither energized nor completely exhausted. At this point, how I feel is somewhere in the middle with a somewhat blase and lazy attitude. And, as I sat down to write this evening's devotion, I still could not shake that "ehhhn"/"m'eh" feeling. As I searched my brain for what the Lord was saying, I could only come back with this same apathetic spirit. Then the bells went off in the midst of my "blah" and I realized that therein lies the correction.
You see, this 40 day journey has been about God helping me to recognize the not-so-nice things in me that could stand to be reviewed, processed, and definitely avoided when possible. Apathy, it would seem, is number eleven on this list.

As I started to really think about it, my conviction grew. How many things have I missed because I was content with being in this mediocre state of mind? How many blessings went by while I was lacking focus? How many opportunities no longer opportune because I was watching something on television or surfing the net? It's not that you want to be emotionally always on highs and lows all of the time. No...that requires medication and has a diagnosis (bipolar and the like). What I'm talking about instead is a disconnect from caring much about what is to come. If I don't care or put on the bravado of disinterest, then I don't have to deal with disappointment or discouragement when things don't happen the way or in the timing that I would like. It's like my emotions have their own power RESET/override button designed to protect my heart, but it's not one that truly honors God. We should be excited about the prospect of what God is doing in our lives and not indifferent. In the process of protecting my heart what this space of apathy does is create room for the enemy to come in with negativity--laziness, doubt and critical thinking about what and how God is handling His (and my) business. I fill the space with lazy distractions to keep me having to really deal with God face-to-face about what I'm thinking or feeling; I begin to doubt that He'll come through on what he's said, and I'll wonder if there's a better way that I can accomplish whatever it is than the way that He originally instructed. Facebook is easier than FacingGod at times. Reading mindless romance novels is more heartening than focusing on my own social life.

Furthermore, what I know to be true is that the Bible speaks harshly about laziness and references an apathetic spirit as being "lukewarm"--causing the Lord to 'spit us from his mouth'! Apathy and laziness are just that much of an affront to the Lord. So what do you do when they start to sneak into your day? Remember that this is a spiritual battle and use your spiritual tools. Ephesians 6 reminds us that we are in a spiritual war and tells us to put on the whole armor of God, including the sword of the Spirit/the Word of God. Apathy is a scheme of the devil. Period. When we know nothing else to do, we are to use the Word against the wiles of the enemy. You see, it's not about an emotion as much as it's about a mindset. We fight this mindset by energizing ourselves with the mind of Christ and with His Word in a personal way:

Lord, help me shake off sloth and call on your fervent spirit to guide me. (personalized from Romans 12:11) Help me to be strong in You, Lord, and in the power of your might. (personalized from Ephesians 6:10) Redeem the time. (personalized from Ephesians 5:16) Let me do everything with all my might that my hand finds to do. (personalized from Ecclesiastes 9:10) Lord, prepare my mind for action and fix my hope completely on the grace revealed through Jesus Christ (personalized from 1 Peter 1:13). Amen.

Today is the day that you (and I) begin to shake off that "m'eh" feeling. Be encouraged in this day to take back those apathetic moments and give them back over to God.

Blessings,
Pastor Andrea