Time to Rest

The other day, I had a conversation with someone and mentioned that I was tired. He asked me if I was sleeping okay. I said yes. Then he stumped me and asked if I was RESTING okay. As a small tear came to my eye, I realized that it had been a long while since I had sustained REST. I do have continual peace. I have taken breaks here and there. But, if I'm being honest with myself, there have not been real sustained periods of rest. And I ruminated on that thought and wondered how I would possibly get that rest with life going forward and ministry being what it is. And THAT started to fatigue me even more...

It wasn't until I remembered that rest may come in space rather than time, that the weight of that fatigue began to lift. I knew that the source of my rest would not be one of long time or extended periods of sleep and vacation. That had become evident. But what was real was that God was and is always able to give me (and you) a refreshing and a rest that exceeds our understanding of how or where it comes from.

For me, God sent me some great quality time with my mother that brought that refreshing and that feeling of REST. At times rest is simply a supernatural blessing that comes out of nowhere. Other times it's the smile of a friend or the hug of a loved one that seems to bring you a charge. Or perhaps it's even simply an hour alone listening to your favorite songs, or a quiet ride in the car, or a small breeze that hits your face just so. If you find yourself at the end of your energy rope, I'm here to remind you that God is ABLE and WILLING to bring you a remedy for your much-needed REST. Truly His Word saying that we can bring ourSELVES (not just our problems) to Him is real. Be encouraged that the Lord knows that one thing that will give you strength, that thing on this earth that seems to breathe extra life into your deflating spirit, and it's waiting with Him just for you.

You Can Be Free

And when Peter had come to himself, he said, “Now I know for certain that the Lord has sent His angel, and has delivered me from the hand of Herod and from all the expectation of the Jewish people.” Acts 12:11

There are times in our lives that are burned in our memories as times when God did a major working in us. Maybe it was a time when you felt the greatest pain or the greatest confusion. Or it could have even been the time you felt the greatest triumph or joy. As I heard someone read this scripture this morning, my mind immediately went to one of those times in my life. It was a time of growing and a time of stretching. For me it was painful and lonely I couldn't imagine when it would end. 

But it did.

At some point the pressure eased up and I could see through the fog that had settled to one big word...expectations. As I meditated and reflected, I could see that part of God helping me to make peace with elements of my past meant doing a critical thing: delivering me from expectations of people. A lot of times we focus on the first part of what God does just like it says in Acts 12:11. We focus on being delivered from the hand of our enemies (ex. Herod). However, the fullness of God's freedom includes deliverance from expectations as well. In some cases, I needed to release myself from what others expected of me, but the main person I had to get delivered from was myself. 

So many of my hurts and disappointments were tied up in who I hoped, wanted, expected others to be for me. I have wonderful family and friends who are supportive and encouraging and loving; yet even with that I had places hidden in my heart that were disappointed by this or that. Truly my heart was tied to places where people hadn't been what I had hoped. When I needed them, they hadn't been there. What I wanted, they hadn't delivered. I had sometimes measured the love in our relationship by what they had/hadn't given to me and not always on what I had given to them. They had missed their lines in the play of my life that I had cast them in and I realized through this process that it wasn't fair because I had cast them in a part and with lines that they hadn't agreed to. 

Those people around me had been just who God wanted them to be and not who I wanted them to be. They had been who I needed them to be and not always what I wanted them to be. At the moments when I wished they had been on the other side of a phone when I called, God wanted me to be turning to Him. When they had said "no" instead of saying "yes", God's plan was at play. Even in times when they had done things "wrong" or hurtful, Romans 8:28 was truly at work with all things working together for my good. I couldn't see it then. I felt hurt and confused and abandoned at times. However, as I looked back I realized that everything had happened just the way that it should--mistakes, hurts and all. 

There's a thin line between setting standards of excellence so that we strive for the best and setting expectations for others based on an ideal that we have created that may not always be in line with what is fair and/or what God wants for our lives. Being healthy and at peace is about realizing when that line has been crossed. And so the cookie crumbles both ways. Just as God released me from my expectations of others, he also delivered me from unrealistic expectations of others that did not match the journey that he had/has me on. There are times when people want you to be more than you can be for them. The weight of that can be tremendous. There are times when your actions don't match with the hopes that others have for you. Your obligation is to living a life that strives for excellence but that is not bound by mistakes you may make or times when you miss the mark.

I don't know what you are going through or what pieces of your past are weighing you down now in your present and preventing you from moving pain-free into your future. What I do know is that God is able to deliver you from the heart of some of this pain and hurt--your expectations. Perhaps you had expectations of your mom to be positive when instead she said negative things to you. Perhaps you had expectations of your father to protect you at all costs, but you still got hurt on his watch. Perhaps you expected your child to do better than you had done and are disappointed at some of the choices they have made. 

No matter what your expectations, today is a good day to allow the Spirit of the Lord to release you from them. Cry out to Him. Tell Him. Then release it! Your total freedom hinges on this very thing. Freedom from the places of past hurts and pain does not end with apologies. Instead it ends with forgiveness--forgiving others for not doing right, for not doing what you'd hoped, and for not being who you'd expected. Today I want to encourage you to take advantage of what God is offering--freedom from your enemies and deliverance from expectations (i.e. peace of mind). It's yours for the taking. 

Be encouraged.

Blessings,
Pastor A

P.S. Don't forget to share the blessing. If you know someone who needs this word...pass it along.

DAY 40: Last Call...Loneliness

The room grew still as the pitter patter of applause cut through the dark silence. The pastor had just said my name and all eyes turned to find me on the front row of the 1,200-seat sanctuary. It was the early morning service which boasted a smaller/more intimate crowd than the other two that would follow throughout the day, but I knew that this moment was simply a precursor to the exact same ritual that would come during the announcement period at each of the subsequent services. So I followed through with the obligatory stand, wave and smile as he shared the wonderful news of my first book signing in between services in the lobby and encouraged the congregation’s support of my work. It was truly a unique and memorable way for me to spend Valentine’s Day.

As the applause died down and the focus went on to the next announcement, I took my seat and felt a profound emptiness overtake me. Hundreds of people surrounded me and yet I suddenly could feel nothing but sadness as I realized that I was celebrating this great accomplishment alone. I had friends coming throughout the day to assist with my book sales and church family who were excited and supportive, but that was not the point. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but the feeling lingered as I tried to just be happy about the day and the moment but struggled instead with feelings of extreme loneliness. Here I was, surrounded by people, and I had never felt so alone. Overwhelmed, I excused myself to the lady’s room thinking “Congratulations to me…” and cried. 

The idea of being alone in a crowd began to follow me the next couple of years.

And so goes the start to the book on LONELINESS that I've been writing for a couple of years now. Every time that I get started, I stop short of moving completely forward. Like most of the sermons I preach and words that I've written in the past, the words on the page come from the heart of my experiences and that is not always a comfortable place to share from. It's not easy to broadcast that life is not always what we would hope it to be.

But that's how we overcome and keep moving, right? The last 39 days have been all about walking through some of the negative emotions that have tripped me up, and it definitely hasn't been easy. The enemy would take the difficulty of testifying and use it to make us feel isolated--unseen, unheard, and un-cared for. However, in the end, I know that the more we share our testimonies of faith, the more we overcome. The more that we live transparently, the more we can hope that God receives the glory. This season of Lent has been a season of purging and processing--preparing me for the work of the Lord more and more. Tonight, I was reminded of Hebrews 12:1 that says that we are 'surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses' so we should 'throw off everything that hinders us and so easily entangles us and run our race with perseverance'. We are not alone in the spirit, we are surrounded.

I recognize that that lonely feeling is not about who is around you. It's not about your level of accomplishment. It's not about being single or married. It's about feeling full or empty, feeling valued or lost. You need to know (and remind yourself) that, though your heart feel the emptiness of loneliness at times, you are not alone. Remember that you are surrounded by a "great cloud" and that, even though you may be feeling alone in a crowd, you are not. You're not the only one who is contrary, doubting, angry, apathetic and more with a splash of joy thrown in for good measure. WE are in this together. But, even greater than that, God's got your back. When no earthly "company" feels like enough, he's there guiding, pushing and carrying you through your race. In all, I hope that it is that fact that will somehow resonate with you and help you keep running just one more step.

Though you may feel it at times...you may feel the hollowness of isolation, know that God has a "cloud of witnesses" standing with you at all times as you shake off all that may hinder you so you can continue with perseverance.

Be encouraged,
Pastor Andrea

DAY 39: Weeding Out Fear

I have a confession to make. I've been trying to flow in love in my life, almost not realizing that it is fear that has been pulling me back. I've been able to work through various negative thoughts and emotions. I'd say that my inability to flow completely in love is because I doubted the other people's intentions or I was sad about circumstances or because I was frustrated about my hangups and so on. What I've realized is that the enemy has me distracted by the surface negativity that needs help. However, identifying doubt, sadness, frustration, etc. is like pulling out a weed but leaving in the root. You may rid it for a moment, but eventually it comes back. So, after wading through each emotion, I've come right back down to the same emotional root...FEAR.

I used to say that I believe that there are really only two emotions at the root of everything we experience in our lives. I have postulated that once you weed through the layers of emotional experiences that we have two sides to our heart--good or bad...sad or happy. If someone tells you they are frustrated, to me it would seem that frustration is a complicated version of being sad. Once you peel back the layers of each emotion, it comes down to the core of sad or happiness. However, I have to eat my words or revise that hypothesis. At the heart of every emotion is still one of two base emotions: 1) LOVE and 2) FEAR.

I believe that the full spectrum of our emotions (over 1,000 identified in varied psychological resources) are complications and spin-offs of those 2 base ones. On one side we see the fruit of love being happiness and peace and contentedness and joy and so on. However, on the flip side, we get angry because we are afraid, we get frustrated because we are afraid, we get sad because we are afraid, we get anxious because we are afraid, we doubt because of fears, we grieve out of spaces of fear, we...well you get the picture. And I'm sure that anyone could argue the validity of my theory. This is not scientifically proven (though maybe one day I'll write a thesis on the matter). For now, it's based on years of watching people, praying with people, celebrating with people, and crying with people. I've both watched and experienced what it means to be burdened with fear or filled with love.

"Why does any of this matter?", you may ask. Because, at the end of the day, God wants us to have lives that blossom with the fruit of love. He doesn't want that love in our lives to be suffocated by the weed that is fear. As I sat down to down to have some time in the word tonight, it all kept pointing back to one verse, 1 John 4:18: "There is no fear in love. Instead, perfect love drives away fear. That’s because fear has to do with being punished. The one who fears does not have perfect love." Our access to that perfect love through Christ makes the world of difference if we let it. Truly, we have a choice each and every day whether to accept the torment and punishment of fear or to put those fears at the mercy of perfect love. We have the choice to stop pulling out weeds and get to the root of your fears. Love is waiting to bloom.

Be encouraged,
Pastor Andrea

Day 38: Yep...A Plank In My Eye

I've decided that one of the most pitiful, "something's not right here" sights I've seen in a long while (next to a pretty, well-dressed, grown woman cursing like a sailor) was a grown Christian person pouting the other day because they didn't get their way. They wanted something that a child wanted as well, and the other adults in the room all agreed that the child should have it. So when the child got it, I swear I saw the bottom lip of this grown person begin to tremble. And it wouldn't have been so bad except that today, I caught myself having a conversation with God and making the very same face as I pouted over an unfulfilled prayer request...Ouch...Busted!

Talk about getting convicted! I was so quick to see this person's pout as inappropriate and "not right", but in my own moment of childish splendor I forgot all about my stance with a quickness. How quickly we forget... In my self-righteousness I thought that I had moved past acting like a child. Yet, what I've seen to be true over and over again is that I'm no better than anyone else. And God surely reminds me of this gently every now and again for sure.

I'm a good person for the most part, but not above being duped by self-righteousness and judgement. Truly these character flaws are so slippery. Like many things in my Christian faith, I have come to realize that I've got it down pat when it comes to the big things. I try not to judge people's life decisions, styles, or even their basic decision to become or not become a Christian. All of those are the big things--for which I find myself unfailingly tolerant and patient. But an air of self-righteousness sneaks in when I least expect it and see the small things that I may have "conquered" (or think I have) playing out in those around me. It's that moment when you look at your ex's current love interest (even though you don't want him/her any more) and think that they could've done better with you; or the time you watch another parent fail to get their child to behave in the supermarket line while yours is the picture of obedience (that day/moment). It's the time that we make (what we think are harmless) jokes about people's vocabulary choices; or when you watch the person who got a raise at work make a silly error that you feel you never would have made.

I try my best to not experience these moments. However, just when I think I have it together, God shows me a new example and quickly puts me in my place. It's just like the scripture says, "Those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted." (Luke 18:14) Or even like what I've heard preachers say...that if you point your finger at someone, you must be careful because there are three more pointing back at you. We are admonished to deal with our own stuff before worrying about someone else's problems (Matthew 7:3); and today I'm just reminded that that means you have to diligently and daily be looking at yourself so as not to slip idly into that place of judgement.

That said, today's your chance to do a self-check. What have you been watching, thinking, doing that (even in small ways) exalts you over another person? Where have you allowed hints of self-righteousness to show themselves in your life? Today I want to encourage you that those hints don't have to remain. As we walk this Christian journey, we have a new chance each day to commit our negative minds to God, repent and allow the power of the Holy Spirit to convict us each of sin, righteousness, and judgement (John 16:8). So today...take the chance...

Be encouraged,
Pastor Andrea

DAY 37: Full Control

Have you ever been in a situation where you were anticipating a difficult conversation with someone; but before the conversation ever happened, you had already orchestrated it all? It's like you held the remote control of your life up--fast forwarding, pausing, skipping through various parts until you had decided what they were going to say, how they were going to say it, what your response was going to be and what would result from the conversation. As a result of the conversation you had in your mind on behalf of all parties, you either a) decided that it made it unnecessary to have the real conversation or b) went into the real conversation with assumptions and walls that were virtually insurmountable. In your effort to feel in control, you actually walked away feeling tired and extremely misunderstood?

That controlling spirit often takes us to a lonely and exhausted place that is simply no fun. I know that you've spent many an hour thinking and rethinking and OVERthinking the options of your life and found yourself feeling more and more isolated. It's easy to do. It's easy to get lost in the web of your own thoughts, and it's easy to keep people out with that very same web. It's hard to trust because it opens us up to the uncertainty of heartache. But you have to remember that when you open up, you are not just trusting other people with your heart, but you are demonstrating a trust in God that he will be your refuge (Psalm 91:2) and that he will protect you when you feel at a loss to protect yourself.

The Bible tells us in Proverbs 3:5 that we are to trust in the Lord with all of our hearts and lean not to our understanding'. I appreciate how it says "all" and not "some" or "part". We are to trust the Lord even with the part of our hearts that wants to feel known and understood in an authentic way. We are to trust the Lord with the part of our hearts that wants to feel connected. We are to trust the Lord with the part of our hearts that yearns to be in control. And when we trust him with all, when we release control, we allow God to create greater connections for us than we could have ever designed on our own. When we turn every thought and every heart's desire over to God, he said we could trust him to direct our paths. You may want to figure it out and know the next step, but God is challenging you today to let him take full control. Trust him...he's faithful to deliver "exceedingly, abundantly, above what you can ask or think" (Ephesians 3:20).

Be encouraged,
Pastor Andrea

DAY 36: It's A Shame

We all have those things that we hide and don't talk about openly--things that we aren't proud of in our lives and that have varying degrees of impact on how we live day to day. At times, we choose to allow those things and the shame we feel to disconnect us from the rest of the world. That's the point where shame becomes a tricky thing.

You see, shame is not a mystery to God even when it's a mystery to us. In fact, the Bible talks about how it's God that "shames" the wise (1 Corinthians 1:27) or those who are "treacherous" (Psalm 25:3) and there are countless places throughout the Old Testament where shame is attributed to those who do evil things or are living contrary to God's will. A little shame or guilt leads to conviction and useful to the Lord. Conversely, a lot of shame causes condemnation--something God doesn't desire for those who serve him (Romans 8:1).

Just like so many things, the enemy perverts those 'healthy doses' of shame to make us lose focus on what and Who is truly important. The enemy's goal is to use condemning shame as an isolating emotion that moves us further away from God; whereas conviction and guilt are tools to turn us towards the Lord. Shame causes us to hide. It causes us to doubt all the good that God has made us to be. Condemning shame causes us to forget that God called his Creation (yes, that includes us) "good" or the fact that we are "fearfully and wonderfully made" (Psalm 139:13) even in our messiness.

When we get caught up in shame then we become egocentric and forget that this life is truly not all about us. It tends to feel like we have this all-powerful God wagging his lofty finger at us, making us cower into ourselves. However, that is not God's plan. He has a plan to 'prosper us and to give us a hope and a future' (Jeremiah 29:11). That is the devil's plan. Satan wants to convince you and I that God couldn't care about us in all of our mess. While that may be how man would treat us, it's not how God treats us. Time and time again he assures us that he will never leave or forsake us, that we are forgiven and that he is a God who grants us immeasurable amounts of grace and mercy. So no matter what addiction you are harboring or bad behavior you can't seem to stop, when you keep making an effort to break through those messy points and not get stuck in the muck and mire of your shame, God will honor that. The enemy wants us stuck. However, God's desire is for us to get the victory over those areas of our lives. The enemy desires for us to keep those secret things hidden and in the dark. God desires for exposure and light to remove the stronghold that these things have on our lives.

So what comes to mind when you are reading these words? What part of your life have you been ashamed of or hiding? What habit or relationship or tendency have you cloaked in darkness? Today is a great new opportunity to bring it to light. While everyone doesn't need to know your dirt, there's value to finding even one trustworthy person who can help you stand in prayer and move out of darkness and into light. Today's the perfect chance to make that change and remove the stress of humiliation and distress caused by our behaviors.

Be encouraged,
Pastor Andrea